Judge — September 1938 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“GLORIA MUNDAE the Star” Interterrestrial Service Earth Division. Local Science Feature The Earth; Earth Y ear 3876:—A rate and historically valuable relic of archaic times was recently discovered in what was known as America, center of the Western Hemisphere of this planet. According to the discoverer, Cland, Forty-Ninth of Sirius, the priceless ob- ject is an ancient booklet containing cer- tain related excerpts from 20th Century News Papers. These News Papers, as Cland has previously established, were paper pages of printed matter which the early in- habitants circulated among themselves containing information relative to their civilization—their Governments, Wars (see Stellor’s “Destruction by Design: Gruesome Practices of Early Inhabitants of earth’), their Sciences, Arts, and other factual material. The contents of the Cland Discovery have been identified as a fragmentary record of the life of a female personage of Antique America, presumably as- sembled by an unknown contemporary. It is apparent that this long-forgotten human occupied a high position in her times, although previ- ously discovered ac- counts of the 20th Cen- tury Period make no mention of her name— “Gloria Mundae, the star.” Evidence of such su- perior rank among her people is contained in the first of the News Paper records made les- ible by Cland’s infra ray. Beginning ‘‘Holly- wood” (believed to have been a large Amer- ican City) “July 16, 1938” (Earth Time) it recounts: “After a grueling moruing’s shooting of ‘Romance in France,’ Gloria Mun- dae, the star, went to the studio commis- sary for lunch, and even as you and I, ate a ham sandwich on whole wheat, meanwhile chatting democratically with the waitresses and extra players.” The actions described in this excerpt, and the contemporaneous significance of “ham sandwich on whole wheat" are not clear, but the phrase “even as you -—_- THE “Oh, Johnny, Mr. Morrow wants to borrow our lawn mower.” and I" is indicative of the esteem ac- corded Gloria Mundae, the star. (Historians are disagreed as to the purport of the title “the star.” The An- cients also used this word to denote Universal Bodies other than The Earth, Frequently in the Cland Docu- ment the title is amplified to “the screen (or film) star.” Both “screen” and “film” were coverings or concealments and the theory has been advanced that ar- chaic individuals so titled were the objects of such adu- lation by their fellows that they were forced continually to protect their persons from the populace by some disguise or “'screen. (In support of this conjec- ture, the Ferian school of paleontology cites a not yet fully authenticated manuscript which includes a somewhat enigmatic account of how the very articles of dress worn by “screen star’ persons were often torn off their backs to be prized and exhibited by other members of the civiliza- tion. (However, the majority of historians ridicule the Ferian JUDGE FOR SEPTEMBER comicbooks.com