Judge — August 1938 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Judge Almanac for August Originated by Marc Connelly and George S. Kaufman 1—FIRST NATIONAL census adds new lustre to the name of Smith, 1790. First cable car runs in San Fran cisco; Miss Sadie Sawfoot is first female passenger to Prove you can’t get off back- wards. Colorado springs into the Union, 1876. 2—John Calvin Coolidge of Vermont’ learns he is President; drops the “John” as silence goes on the gold standard, 1923, German visitors arrive in France, 1914. 3—Columbus sails to prove world is round, 1492; sev- eral people still unconvinced, 1938. Never-Yield Window Tighteners installed in all railroad cars, 1901. 4—East Dewdrop. Ark., man, not finding his name in any “List of Famous American Families” (Your Genealogy—$2 please), ends it all by eating 1930 edition of “Who's Who in Ameri- can Bricklaying,” 1936. 5—Battle of Mobile Bay; first low ditties composed, 1864. Pencil manufacturers’ begin making attached erasers out of concrete, 1901. 6—J. P. Boyd and J. P. Thorndike, Klopstockia, Mass., convicted of 34 Degree Tiltonism (scavenging in pay. telephones); sentenced to three years hard labor in Yale School of Esthetic Danc- ing, 1938 7—Navy Department organized; first attempts to dis- cover why sailors wear bell-bottom trousers rejected as. “un-Ameri- can,” 1789, Non-Texans begin writing fan mail, 1986. Germans at Liege, 1914. 8—Gorton’s Fishcakes buy up rights to advertise codfish to every railroad passenger, 1870. Nine hundred people drowned as light mist strikes Los Angeles, Cal., 1951. 9—First commencement at Harvard; H. L. Mencken begins talking about the professors, 1642. Woman in Quincy, IIL, plucks piece of candy with tongs that came with box, 1902, 10—Missouri shown into Union, 1821. Last native son in Southern California lynched by. visiting Nebraskans, 1938. Origi- nal Tiffany Silver ads written, B.C. 13. 11—Robert Ingersoll born, 1833; denies existence of Santa Claus, 1838, Wireless telephone patented, 1892, 12—Hugo L. Black nominated to the Supreme Court in a wave of silence, 1937. Hawaii annexed to the United States, put ting the Dole on’ the U.S.; records of acquisition not quite clean yet, 1898 13—Lula Windham, Petersburg, Va., is first woman to admit knowing fewer than ten swing bands by name, 1938; refuses to define meaning of phrase “you-all.” 1987; brooks no discussion of Civil, War with visiting Northerners. 1961; awarded Distinguished Service Medal by New England Anti-Cliché Society. 1971 14—James J. cools James J. Corbetc in the 10th in San Francisco, and_nobody mentions Hitler or Shakespeare, 1910 Jeffries 15—Panama Canal opens, 1914; business still good, 1938. Doorman under rank of Major-General appears before a New York hotel, 1934 john hela jr 16—Battle of Bennington, 1777. New cook in Childs’ restaurant dies of stage fright, 1905. 17—Clermont, first successtul steamboat, starts for Albany, 1807, W. R. Hearst tries the same thing, 1922. Pair of cot- ton stockings seen on New York street, 1930, 18—Virginia Dare born, 1587. National Geographic Society still resenting fact it was not invited to the christening, 1938. 19—Five women hanged at Salem for witchcraft ; Samuel Leibowitz misses his big opportunity, 1692. Salem Prosecutor In- crease Mather considers naming his young son Decrease, 1693. 20—Benjamin Harrison born, 1833. German tourists march into Brussels, 1914. Baldwin Carpley, advertising ace, fails to use verb “contact” during five minute conversation, 1938. 21—Reginald H. Blorg, first college sophomore to install hilariously funny cracks such as “Oh you kid!” on his car, born, 1895. 22—“‘America” wins first cup race, 1851. Annual Loch Ness monster story, 1938 23—Phrases “Sorry, not for us,” and “Doesn't quite fit our needs” invented by Herbert R. Klein, i itor, . cir seca’. Leentad by Be lcin, magazine editor, 1903. 24—Foundation of Capitol at Washington completed, saan Mark Smith, the one on the right, gets shaved for last time, 25—German Vacationists adopt new method of visiting Louvain Library, 1914, LIFE magazine runs st 2d Most Beautiful Chorus Girl, 1939. " at = 26—Sir Hughe Knatchbull-Hugessen, British Ambas- sador to China, bombed by Japanese airmen, spelled correctly only by Orion, Ind., “Morning Call,” 1937. Nineteenth Amendment, guess what, effective, 1921. * 2/7—Battle of Long Island, 1776. J. Charles Button, composer of “Ob, How I Love That Little M: f Mine,” banged for matricide, 1921. mie: Mammy of Mine 28—Mary Tew Smart. first woman to love a man who smokes a pipe, pensioned by Little Lulu Briar Co., 1938. Nobody a fooled by “Louise Hovick.” 1938. Douglas Fairbanks, Sr., discovered walking down stairs, 1938. iat 29—Oliver Wendell Holmes born, 1809. First Atlantic od placed on end beside Woolworth Building to prove something, 30—Raymond Dennett, Cambridge, Mass., instruct- ed by wife to water plant daily while she is on fur lough, remembers to do so, 1984. 31—Atlantic & Pacific Tea Company becomes great, 1890, Mary H... Vaughan, Virginian, sings “Carry Me ck, ete. a actually carried. back to South Bos- ton, Va., by listeners, as August cases out to the roll of muffled drums -- - (Revised and brought up to date by the Editors of THE JUDGE) comicbooks.com