Judge — July 1938 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Oyez, Oyez, 1 cannot tell how the truth may be; I say the tale as ‘twas said to me. —Sir WALTER Scott. T MAY interest our readers to know that in Pasadena, Cal., a fire hydrant burst and deluged a pekinese. A local paper reported the incident, under the headline, “The Art of Self Defense.” eee EORGE KNUTTINEN, the new fire chief of Fairport Harbor, O., passed a store and smelled smoke. He went in and searched the store; then he came out and looked for fire in the cars at the curb; finally he found that a book of matches had ignited in his pocket, and that he himself was smouldering. wae NE of our correspondents wan- dered into a ballet rehearsal re- cently. The ballet director was angry. He kept rapping for silence and when he got it he cursed. Finally he stopped the dancers and stopped the musicians and moved menacingly toward the conductor of the orchestra. “Haven't you transposed that music up a half.tone?” he asked, controlling his voice. “Well, yes,” said the conductor, de- fensively. “I thought it sounded more brilliant in that key.” “Please!” howled the director of bal- let. “Please play that music as it was written!” The conductor obeyed and the re- hearsal proceeded smoothly and our cor- respondent went away. ABRAMOFF, who lives in New York now, is ataman of the Cos- sacks of the Don; as such, he is sworn to protect the women in his vicinity from the Turks. If any of you ladies plan to visit New York you had better keep him in mind. wee AY 17 is the Norwegian Fourth of July. This year, when U.S. Norsemen celebrated, two horrid things occurred: 1. In San Diego, the Norsemen gathered for a reading of Hendrik Ib- sen's poems. The reader read in Eng- lish; and the next day the papers men- tioned “the great Norwegian playwright, Henry Gibson.” 2. In Los Angeles, the Norsemen gathered to eat their traditional dish, imported lutefisk. Next day they found that the lutefisk was ‘imported from Japan. E told our animal editor to come across with some news, so he combed the mice out of his beard, swal- lowed a liberal portion of bug-juice, and spoke as follows: Near Bloomburg, Pa., lives a wild duck who chases cars along a two-mile stretch of road, quacking with rage. In Columbus, Ohio, a 12-year-old dog named Jack inherited $500, and the government promptly put the snatch on him for a 7% inheritance tax. Two seals named Amos and Andy escaped from the Prospect Park Zoo in Brooklyn, N.Y. They caught Amos in a tavern, and at 4:30 A.M. they found Andy waiting for a street car. In Kenosha, Wis. farmer Henry Meier's cow took sick. Meier shot her twice in the head, and she lay there breathing. He shot her twice more and she got up and returned to her pasture. Now she enjoys perfect health. In Hollywood, Cal., a film actor stuffed a package of bills into the mouth of a stuffed leopard, as directed by the script. The leopard's jaws snapped shut, the actor went to the hospital to have the bite dressed, and the scene had to be filmed again. In Santa Ana, Cal., lives a dive-bomb. ing owl. He swoops down from im. mense heights to sink his talons into the bald heads of pedestrians, | Behie always find some way to keep from working. Everywhere they think about the weather, and dis- cuss it with one another. In the mid- west they worry about the C.1.0.; in comicbooks.com