Judge — July 1938 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Judge Almanac for July Originated by Marc Connelly and George S. Kaufman Pickett's charge on Union forces at Gettysburg, 1863; pickets and union forces get chummier, 1938. Rough Riders charge San Juan Hill, 1898; still some doubt who got there first, 1938. 2—James A. Garfield assassinated, 1881. Restaurant diner successfully summons waiter by tapping water glass with knife, 1926. Straw hats begin to sbow why they only cost $2.98, any year. 3—Battle of Santiago, 1898; Barcelona, Spain, residents laugh softly as they recall when they, thought that was a war, 1938. Modern’ American boys prepare for "Safe and Sane Fourth” ob, #0 eagerly. 4—INDEPENDENCE DAY te- ceived with extra enthusiasm, 1919 33; “Safe & Sane” celebrants killed in autos instead, 1938. Thomas Jefferson mutters “and John Adams still lives," and. dies; Adams fol lows suit politely, 1826. Jeffersonians denounce all opposition without get- ting a single laugh, 1938. Patent Bureau established;' patents begin to pend, 1836. 5—P. T. Barnum born, 1910; memorial services held by Hollywood Blurb Writers’ Guild, 1938. Manufacturers decide to toast Lucky Strike tobacco instead of soft- boiling it, 1916, 6—John Paul Jones born, 1747. Henry II, who began con. quest of Ireland, dies without faintest notion of what he has started, 1189. Republican party founded, 1854; no dancing in the streets, 1938, 7—Sitting Down invented by Adam, B. C. 12,793. Amer- ican character in English novel does not say “I calculate”; vice-versa does not address friends as “Old chap,” 1935. Woman satisfied with new apartment's wall paper, 1990, 8—Prudence Pillow (Mrs. Ashburton L. Footly), inventor of the Church Supper, born, 1796, Mrs. Harrison Williams fails to appear in list of Best-Dressed Women, 1980. Manchurian bandit not named Chang Something, born, 1907. 9—German submarine Deutschland crosses the Atlantic, 1916. Microscope invented, thus making possible tea roome lunch- conettes, 1853. 10—Wyoming admitted to Union, 1890. Bryan makes crown- of-thorns speech, 1896, Walter C. Gripple, Boise City, Idaho, re- members to close top of talcum powder box when packing suitcase, 18, 11—John Quincy Adams born, 1767. Hamilton-Burr duel, 1804. Salt Water Taffy perpetrated on a sovereign people, Atlantic City, 1901, Advertising manager of Burma Shaving Cream buys a thyming dictionary, 1887. 12—Near-Sightedness invented by man who always thinks you are Charlie Bostwick, 1902, Mr. Emerson decides just what shade of blue he wants for Bromo-Seltzer bottles, 1872. 13—Civil War Draft Riots in New York, 1863. Cyrus W. Field lays the Atlantic cable; American papers begin to reprint, Lon- don editorials, 1866, First international conference called to decide what to do with meerschaum pipes after they are colored, 1940. 14—BASTILLE DAY, for en- fants of the patrie, First World's Fair opens in New York by award- ing choice of a free beer or a trip to Coney Island to George Fuss, inventor of the finger-bowl. 15—Battle of Chateau-Thierry; German tourists fail to arrive in Paris; “Nach Paris” signs come down, 1918. Georgia readmitted to Union; chain gangs invented, 1870. 16—Tsar, Tsarevitch, & familyevitch murdered in Ekaterin- barg (Sverdlovsk), 1918 Ah there, brotherly love. Printing invented 1451; book-reviewing starts, 1452. - — ee 17—Resident of Montpelier, Vt., instructed by physician to take daily exercise, lays out strict schedule of gymnasium work and sticks to it, 1901.’ Old New York resident fails to recall when his father had a farm at Broadway and 14th St., 1950, 18—Census of cooks reveals seven people on Western Hemis- here who know how to make cranberry jelly properly, 1922. Actor, Playing scene over telephone, pauses between lines long enough to create illusion of someone speaking at the other end, 1926. 19—First Woman's Rights Convention, 1848. German re- treat across the Marne begins, 1919; apparently nobody knows about it yet in Berlin, 1938. 20—Southern girl says “‘you-all” without a Northerner pres- ent; New York girl found who does not think she is “different,” 1946. Last railroad man buys a Hamilton watch, 1960. 21—Battle of Bull Run, return engagement promised, 1861. Chester B. Glee, originator of college glee clubs born; composers of almost true chords of “Here's to good old Buddleberry™ get to work, 1834, Snanish Armada comes in like a lion, 1588. 22—H. Warburton Bangs, inventor of process whereby thirteen oranges can make enough orange drink to serve 130,000,000 Americans, hired to solve eating & drinking problem in Germany, 23—U. S. Grant dies, 1885. Woman smoking cigarette actu- ally. Koocks all the ashes into ash receptacle, instead of around it, 24—Brigham Young founds Mormon colony in Utah: Brighamy begins, 1847. Lumpless mashed potators discovered in hotel, 25—Smokeless powder first used, 1891. Man found in Red Bank, New Jersey, who does not believe his wife would make a won- derful interior decorator, 1922. : 26—Yorick J. Billingsgate, Nashville, Tenn., purchases a stamp from_a friend and finds that he actually has the two cents in change, 1917. 27—First wireless communication between United States and Japan: W. Ry Hearet gees menace; 1915, Man waiting to cash a check jor. $5, at paying teller's window does not find customer ahead of him with 20-minute payroll to be made out, 1924, 28—First railway mail car; “lone bandit” invented, 1862. Artificial fruit looks real, 1960. 29—Fourteenth Amendment adopted, 1868; prominent Washington man wishes it hadn't been, 1938. Spanish Armada neatly polished off, 1588. 30—Each of eight New York newspapers simultaneously proves by Sworn statement that its circulation is larger than. those of the other seven, 1938. E. O. Tilton, inventor of prunes, starts laboratory experi- ments on ‘sliced peaches, 1502. 31—Thaddeus Crabstool, South Postum, Ark., actually fools some- body with a toupee, 1947. Thorrdike J. Josephs, Beamly Forks, Mass... Tevolutionizes American social life by returning from Europe without a snapshot of himself in front of a single cathedral, 1938. (Revised and brought up to date by the Editors of THE JUDGE) comicbooks.com