Judge — July 1938 — page 48: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

was the credit of his “mentality.” The check had been flour- ished under his nose, yet it was all in vain. For a mere nod of his head he had been offered $5,000 yet he had refused to nod. Instead, this strange man sat smoking his cigars, and smil- ing to himself, When there was no one by except friends he could trust, he talked. In course of time the public grew in- terested in this strange man; or rather, a newspaper heard of him and de- termined to interest the public. The same thing! A “representative” thereupon sought out The Man Who Wouldn't, and, with the delicate tact of his profession, asked him point-blank Why He Wouldn't? But the man Wouldn't. From that moment the man’s life became a burden. The fail- ure of the interview- ers got abroad and stirred the ambition of other interview- ers. At once the Man Who Wouldn't be- came the Unattained Ideal, the Long- Sought Hope, the Philosopher's Stone, of the journalist. At all hours of the day, under every dis- guise, people called upon him with in- tent to learn his secret. I would be ashamed to disclose the devices to which his inquisitors had recourse, Sisters of Mercy called upon him, with heavenly faces. Dreamy inventors, apparently in great simplicity of char- acter, wanted to show him ingenious models. His innocent love of sport, even, was practiced upon, and men with honest stable faces, leading dogs and horses of the finest breeds, were employed to trap him. 46 Enhanced Values “DANNY, WHAT WOULD YEZ DO IF SOMEBODY WUZ T’ HOLLER UP T’ YE THAT YE'D COME INTO A MILLION?” “I'D LAY DOWN ON ME FACE, SHUT ME EYES, AN’ YELL BLOODY MOY- DAH FER SOMEBODY T’ COME AN’ HELP ME DOWN OUTA’ THIS.” Once he saved a lady in imminent danger of death from a trolley car, but, as he lifted her from the track, she whis- pered: “Surely you will tell me the secret?” Yet—he Wouldn't. At last all the papers in the world—except one—grew tired, and once more he was left to himself. You can imagine how he smiled then, and how good his cigar tasted. No one worried him any more. The Question was dropped. One December evening, some months after, one of his little girls—who had been promised a Christmas-tree by The New York , Climbed his knee for her good. night kiss. “Darling Poppa,” she said, “do tell me why you—Won't.” At last Samson had found his De- lilah. The father an- swered, But the answer he gave—duly_ pub- lished, of course, in The New York ; was stranger than all the rest. You will hardly believe it. Indeed, it scarcely sounds credible. It was so simple! It was merely this: The man Wouldn't, Because— He was Happy Enough as He Was. But perhaps, the real moral of the story is that—the man was not an American. Tactics “Say, bo, w'at’s the best way to teach a girl how to swim?” asked Tommy. “Dat's a cinch. First off you puts yer left arm under her waist and you gently takes her left hand—" “Come off; she’s me sister.” “Aw, push her off de dock.” The Judge Album—1905-1910 comicbooks.com