Judge, 1938-06 · page 12 of 53
Judge — June 1938 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Page Analysis: Judge Magazine **"Watermelons" (top left):** A humorous essay by D.M. Bricker about the difficulty of storing watermelons in iceboxes. The accompanying cartoon shows a chaotic scene of people chasing watermelons that have escaped into a desert landscape—visual comedy illustrating the text's premise that watermelons are impossibly agile and difficult to contain. **"Movie Proverbs" (right side):** Satirical observations about cinema theater experiences, mocking common annoyances: cramped lobbies with brusque ushers, dark theaters with narrow aisles, overly cold air conditioning causing illness, uncomfortable seats, and misleadingly elaborate signage for poor-quality films. The cartoon below shows a bowling alley, apparently illustrating the "seat shifting" complaint. **Bottom quote about Watson:** References an actor (Watson) who allegedly appears in films despite never winning roles, but is valued for his expressive face—likely mocking overwrought silent-film acting or a specific performer's limited talent. These pieces represent Judge's typical satirical approach: gentle social mockery of everyday frustrations and entertainment industry conventions.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Watermelons N my community, I have achieved some small reputation as a watermelon expert. With the rapid approach of the watermelon season I hasten to make public the fruits of my experience. I have been asked time and time again for the best way to get one of these cumbersome fellows into the icebox. I am forced to state that there is no “best’? way. There is a second best way, but there is no first best way. These agile creatures, fast and speedy in spite of their bulk, forestall all attempts, and it is indeed a feat to be able to close an icebox door on a watermelon without tuming around and finding that you have left several pounds of butter, and a bottle of milk, and a stalk of celery on the kitchen sink. I have known several watermelons that were so wary and determined to avoid capture that they chose suicide rather than go into the icebox. Their fear of being cramped in a small space with cold meats and potato salads amounted to strong claus. trophobia, and reached such pitch that they leaped from my arms in a frenzy and dashed themselves to pieces on the linoleum. A friend of mine once caught a very young watermelon and placed it in his icebox while it was tou small and feeble to protest. He had occasion to regret this unsportsmanlike move, however, for the little fellow, deprived of the society of his brothers, soured on life and turned into a cucumber. —D. M. Bricker. Banc! Banc! Movie Proverbs HE bigger the lobby, the ‘Le the usher. The darker the theater, the narrower the aisles. The more effective the re- frigeration, the more certain the pneumonia. The more continuous the performance, the more con- stant the seat shifting. The taller the doorman, the more elaborate the uniform. The larger the signs, the punker the movie. “It often happens,” says a doctor, “that a man who is a lunatic is entirely ignorant of the fact." Unless he happens to be married, of course. If Schmeling and Louis want “I ALWays GET WATSON INTO THE to get some real roadwork in PICTURE . .. HE NEVER WINS BUT their training they should try HE MAKES SUCH SWELL FACES.” Tunning every day from the ringside to one of the “ring- side” seats. The Judge comicbooks.com