Judge — May 1938 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

NO SALE By R. B. Johns Mr. Adam Phlumph, Sales Manager, The N.G Electric Refrigerator Co. Dear Sir: I received your second letter requesting a report on pros- pect S. M. VanSchuyler which you secured from some quaint source. This will advise you that I called on Susanna Marigold VanSchuyler (colored) and, having done so, considered my duty toward mankind and the N-G Electric Refrigerator Company as having been definitely and fully discharged. It might interest you to know that in running down this particular example of what you call a good prospect, I had two flat tires, broke a rear axle and ruined a forty-dollar suit of clothes digging my car out of the mud. You will also be gratified to learn that while I was spend- ing the day as hereinbefore set forth, my competitor sold refrigerators to both of the two best prospects I had. If you just must have a stenographer in your office for N.G's sake give her a broom or buy her a copy of Gone With the Wind and maybe us guys can get something done for a change. Since you are liable to bust if you don't find out, I might as well tell you that Susanna Marigold VanSchuyler (col- ored) lives twenty-seven-and-a-half miles from a power line. She lives twenty-one miles from a paved highway. She lives eight-and-a-quarter miles from a graveled road. She’ lives “CONTRACT OR NO CONTRACT—I WANNA PLAY OPPOSITE Myrna Loy!” “IT FOLLOWED ME ALL THE WAY FROM BROOKLYN!” three-and-a-half miles from a dirt road and she lives a mile- and.three-quarters from no road at all. Susanna is not a prospect for an N.G refrigerator. She is not even a suspect for an N.G refrigerator. In fact, I seri- ously doubt whether Susanna would know what to do with a refrigerator of any kind if you made her a present of one. Enclosed you will find a little bill which, in a certain degree covers the material loss I suffered in connection with your Susanna Marigold VanSchuyler (colored). I wish to state in closing that unless I receive your check in full by return mail you are practically certain to have one less N-G Electric Refrigerator Agency the next time you add up your list. Respectfully yours, Lucifer Kindlingwood, Agent. MILESTONES EFUSING to take no for an answer is one way to get things. For instance, black eyes. A youngsters definition of the difference between a king and a president: ‘A king is the son of his father but a presi- dent isn’t.” It's mighty funny how many people are willing to leap in and help you—the minute you've succeeded in fighting your way to the top by yourself. All Gaul is divided into three parts, none of which pay war debts. Simile: As uninteresting as a radio announcement of especial interest. The Judge comicbooks.com