Judge — May 1938 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Nate WOTIG “THE LOUSY BUM PART'S ALL RIGHT, BUT WE'VE GOT TO WATCH THIS SAYING HE'S PRO-NEw Deat!” toward the sky. He prayed for a long time, in a loud voice, but what he said was unintelligible; he must have been using what certain religious sects call the “unknown tongue.” Finally he got to his feet, mopped his face and neck with a handkerchief, and shuffled back to the car. “Sorry I kept ye waitin’, mister,” he said, “but the Lord wouldn't lemme ride.” “I didn’t hear the Lord say a word,” said Mr. Norris, “What did He say?” The little man’s thin and ugly face shone. “I heered Him, mister, clear as a bell,” he said, his voice throbbing. “He sez, ‘Abraham, Isaac, ner Jacob never rid in none of them ottermobiles; nuther did Moses an’ the prophets. A ass wuz good-er-nuff fer Jesus Christ, so why should a little two-by-four preacher with two good feets be a-wantin’ to ride in a contraption of the devil!’" His voice rose an octave. “Praise his name,” he shouted. “Bless Jesus! Glory to God! God be praised!” Then the little man slumped a little, turned, and shuffled off up the dusty road, without even looking once into 8 the relatively cool interior of Mr. Nor- ris’ car. While tending a bonfire, Earl Salis- bury, of Mason, Ia., looked down at his coat and saw a bright glow. “Help,” he screamed. “I’m burning up!” And he rolled over and over on the ground. Finally Earl discovered that he had put his flashlight in his pocket without snapping it off. A tural friend of ours drove into Trenton, N.J., last evening, to see “The Hurricane.” After the picture, he went to the garage where he had parked his car, but he found the big iron doors shut tight. He knocked, and the doors flew open with a terrifying swish. Inside, the attendant explained that the garage had just installed the Air- Lec system, employing a combination of electricity and compressed air to open and shut the doors. “Like this,” said the attendant, push- ing a button. The doors closed with a crash, “Suppose you push the button too soon?” our man asked reflectively. “It would just crush the fenders,” said the attendant, struggling to conceal his pride. Then his eye sparkled. “I remember once,” he said, “something did go wrong with the thing. A man in an old Stude. baker was just going through, when the doors started banging open and shut. Like a giant boid, flapping its wings!” The attendant licked his lips. “None of us could stop it,” he said. “The man in the car just sat there with his elbows over his ears. Boy! What a racket! And say,” he added, “you oughtta seen that car after we got the doors stopped.” “Must have been quite a sight, all right,” said our man. But the attendant had lost interest. “Well, bud,” he said, “I'll go get your car. Our correspondent for Washington and Oregon has sent in some more of his laconic revelations, as follows: Kalle Schroder, Seattle coffee dealer, is a tennis fan and therefore an admirer of King Gustaf of Sweden. He has ob- tained a royal letter permitting him to call his coffee “Mr. G.’s Coffee,” and he issues a picture of the King in tennis costume with every package. Puget Island in the Columbia River is populated exclusively by Norwegians, and the capital is named Welcome Slough. Not long ago Welcome Slough’s pastor resigned, complaining of too much drunkenness. The ensuing con- troversy in the newspapers put Welcome Slough on the map, and now the New Deal is building a bridge to Puget Is- land. Seattle's National Guard unit was once composed mainly of Russians. * Fresh from the civil wars in Siberia, they sought a military life. But now they have all deserted to become film soldiers in Hollywood, and Seattle is practically defenceless. Moreover the department of buildings has condemned the Seattle Armory. The book we are writing, “One Mil- lion Reasons For Not Living in Cali- fornia,” has already had enormous ad- vance sales and the demand is mount. ing daily. Here is a sample of the ma. terial it will contain—a classified ad from the San Diego, Cal., Evening Trib- une: “Elderly couple, 81 First Ave., Chula The Judge comicbooks.com