Judge — November 1937 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

several relatives to bed with her every night, wherefore he demands a divorce. Mrs. King says her husband makes her go to bed at 7:00 p.m., wherefore she demands a divorce. It is not necessary to probe the impli- cations of this couple's dreadful conduct. The precious pair should get their di- vorces; and they should be forced, in future, to sleep standing up; they should be enjoined from bed forever. RECENTLY authenticated documents show that William Randolph Hearst himself swam over from his yacht and gnawed a hole in the Maine, scuttling her and precipitating the Spanish-Amer- ican War, Wonder what he'll do to pre- cipitate the war with Japan. WE READ with grief the exploits of those professors who recently got into the Grand Canyon. They proposed, as you will remember, to climb two land. islands, Shiva Temple and Wotan’s Throne, there to discover prehistoric forms of life preserved intact down through the ages. Under no circumstances should these rofessors be allowed out again, even if yrannosaurus Rex himself beckons. A repetition of this occurrence will force us to take drastic action: we will initiate an editorial campaign; we will write our congressman. It is not that the professors failed to find prehistoric life, trapping only a chipmunk with a gray stripe, and a bunny rabbit; it is not that prospectors were soon found, who had climbed Shiva Temple and Wotan’s Throne a dozen times, marring the splendid isolation: these things are misfortunes, mercifully to be condoned. The thing that irritates us is that whether they find misfortune or success, professors do not belong in the Grand Canyon. The Grand Canyon is one of "s most majestic works; but profes- sors, like sparrows, prove the Almighty’s sense of humor, So long as the old gentlemen stay in the colleges, purring over their tea, they are good stuff. They like to have their little joke, and they lecture happily and forever. They are benign. Sometimes, it is true, they sight a lucrative Chair coming vacant, or feel an over-ambitious junior instructor press- 4 ing up from behind. At such times, they plaster on the war-paint and file their teeth to needle-points, and cease to purr at tea-time. But even thus, in their rage, they do not improve God's open coun- try. There is something immoral about a professor bumbling around the Grand Canyon, like a house-cat on an altar. They shall not be allowed to go there again. MARION DAVIES has converted the dog-house on her estate into a guest-house; her guests have not con- verted her estate into a dog-house, as was at first alleged, due to an error. A RETIRED grocer in Chicago, named Anton Grosser, set himself to study human beings, some seven years ago. He wanted to find out why people say what they do, and do what they do. Recently Anton appeared, neatly dressed, at police headquarters in Chi- cago. “I'm going insane,” he said loud- ly, “insane, do you understand?” Before they could reach him, he per- ished. WHEN John T. Cooper, attorney for the Oklahoma Industrial Welfare commission, prepares a list there” are few who would say that he is not thor- ough. As a matter of record, when he listed the indispensable articles compris- ing the minimum requirements of the modern working girl recently, some told him that it was entirely too adequate. The yearly allowance of $221.00, they said, could be cut down to $217.00. He had included, it seems, an item of four dollars for bloomers! AN INTERESTING experiment was recently conducted in Chicago in connection with the infantile paralysis epidemic which kept 300,000 pupils home from school; the lessons were broadcast over a six-station radio hookup. We old-timers remember when radio was for the benefit of the bedridden and the hospitalized, when entertainment was brought to those who could not go out and attend shows and so forth. There were vaudeville acts for the unfortunates and all kinds of amusements. Now, there are vaudeville acts for everybody but no vaudeville. When a small group in one place can supply the entertainment needs of millions it naturally detracts from the employment of many who were formerly required to supply those needs in per- son. And now it is being demonstrated that children can be instructed by means of radio when schools are closed. Is it be- yond the realms of possibility that in- struction can be standardized like com- edy or any radio feature, and a small group of teachers supply the educational needs of all the children? Why, of course, it’s possible. And will this mean even. tually that the teaching profession can do without the personnel it requires at present? Then what will become of the excess teachers? We can answer that one: the same thing that has become of per. sons in other lines who have lost their postions and savings through techno. logical so-called progress. Besides, if you have a heart, think of it from the standpoint of the kiddies, They have ‘always been hoping the schoolhouse would burn down, and think what a disappointment is in store for them when they learn that all the schoolhouses in the country could burn down and still they could not escape school. Who ever thought that little Oscar and little Esmeralda would ever have to send in their homework on an applause card? OF COURSE, we may be wrong, but isn’t it about time for these New Dealers to play something else besides the jack? THe Royal Canadian Mounted Police are using dogs to scent out caches of bootleg liquor, recent dispatches say. The Mounted may or may not be able to use this information, but we once had a wire-haired fox terrier that drank mar- tinis. He used to watch the maid undress, too. It preyed on her mind, and finally she gave notice. “He's so uncanny,” she said. The terrier, whose name was Chico, died with a bitter smile on his lips. He never seemed to have any real affection for us; we amused him a little, that was all. Chico was probably too much of an egoist to join the Mounted anyway. ‘THE Cleveland City Council was called together for an emergency ses- sion. Because they had not met for sev- eral weeks the councilmen were unus- ually vociferous about routine matters. After hemming and hawing around they finally decided to adjourn, and in fact were about to do so when a newspay reporter asked the President of the City comicbooks.com