Judge — November 1937 — page 29: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ne ant ons, pan the I'm Wirt women think of their hus. bands is, in our biased opinion, a ersonal matter, something to be shared iy the parties concerned and not dumped in the laps of friends, neighbors and chance acquaintances. Hence, we now voice our objections to the Model Husband test in the cur. rent issue of Ladies’ Home Journal. This malicious list of twenty questions seems to pop up at every party. Pencils appear as if by magic and disgruntled wives loose their spleen on all present by pub- licly checking off the faults and frailties of their ever-loving mates. For each question about her husband to which a wife can answer “‘yes,” said husband re- ceives five points. One hundred points is perfect, yet after a careful study of the test it is our belief that the questions are such that any husband who scores over 40 is a cloth head; over 60, a twerp; and over 80, a dithering idiot, fit only for the sogjety of the wife who gives him such a rating and hasn't divorced him. So while we are not at all in sympathy with public or even party laundering, we do feel that someone should come to the defense of the American husband. Accordingly, we present a little list of our own—a test for wives, in which they get five points for each question their husbands can check off with a yes.’ 1. Is it possible for her to board a streetcar or a bus with a nickel in her hand, or must she, for five blocks, fum- ble through a goat's nest of lipstick, handkerchiefs, wadded letters, keys and spilt powder for her change purse and the fare? 2. Is her bridge game such that she can appreciate an occasional psychic, or does she feel it her duty to explain that she gets along better at her bridge club because there she doesn't have to play against all three people at the table? 3. Would she wade through slush up to her ankles to hear Paul White- man’s Symphonic Orchestra play “Grand Canyon Suite” and not bother to snap the radio switch for a program of opera? 4. Does she let you hail the taxi, or does she step off the curb waving a handbag and shouting at every oncom- ing car? 5. Is she sufficiently foresighted to always keep an extra pack of cigarettes hidden away, or are there mornings with nothing in the house to smoke but a welter of lipsticked butts in the fireplace and ashtrays? 6. Would she rather appear in a gitdle and hair curlers in Macy's win. dow than show up at a cocktail party with flowers in her hair? 7. Does she prefer a rare steak and a glass of Pilsner to a chicken patty and a fudge sundae? PARTY FUN 8. Does she look upon your high forehead as a mark of distinction, or is it her wont to remind you that in a couple of years you will be combing your hair with a towel? 9. Is she able to select an attractive hat and wear it so that it appears to be in style, or is she guided by the sketches and photographs of the atrocities in women’s magazines? 10. Does she see that your laundry is back, that there are buttons on your clothes, a crease in your trousers, and an occasional flower for your lapel, or does she spend her time answering prize con. tests and completing limericks for soap chip companies? 11. Does she believe it possible that one of her next door neighbors could pick up a genuine antique, or has she set herself up as an authority on the sub. ject? 12. Does she keep the evening news. paper unopened for you, or does she make you wait an hour and a half while she messes through it and then ask what the Supreme Court thing is all about? 13. Does she take for granted your ability to purchase five gallons of gaso- line without being gyped, or is it her firm conviction that every filling station pats you out of at least a gallon and a alt? 14, Can she walk into a department store and fifteen minutes later emerge with-a suit, or does she spend her life looking for some little tailor on a side street who can make her clothes just the way she wants them? 15. If you're not home by midnight does she see to it that a pitcher of iced tomato juice is on the breakfast table, or in its stead are the month's bills prominently displayed by your coffee cup? 16. Would she beat you over the head with a vinegar bottle if you demanded to mix the salad dressing yourself in a public restaurant? 17. Does she play games to win, or does she take the attitude that it’s all in fun, and after all a game is just a pleas. ant aid to conyersation? 18, Would she no more think of ask- ing you to take her to dinner at a cafe. teria than she would of asking you to go on a basket party in the locker room of a Harlem lacrosse team? 19. Does she become gay when she drinks but never to the extent of giving imitations of stage and screen stars? 20, Would she as soon hang her washing out the living room windows as to stick handkerchiefs on the bathroom mirror or drape stockings over the towel rack? Stay at the Roosevelt. It is readily accessible to any part of Manhattan and in the very center of the mid-town business district. Roosevelt service is quiet yet swift and efficient. Folks tell us that our rooms make grand of- fices, and many of our local friends take one by the day, just to get away from their own telephone and finish up a pressing job. comicbooks.com