Judge — September 1937 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE SENATOR-AT-LARGE F Senators said out loud, what they were thinking about as they sat at their desks in the Chamber of the United States Senate, one day’s page of the Congressional Record might possi- bly read like this: VICE PRESIDENT GARNER:— “Come on cattle, let's put on our act. Let's see, what can I do today that'll look smart and make a headline? Coffee tasted funny this morning. I made F. D. R. President in *32. I'm doing all right. I like me.” BLACK, (D) Alabama:—Supreme Court Justice. Associate Justice of the Supreme Court. On the Supreme Court. My collar doesn’t fit. Hope nothing happens to interfere.” BANKHEAD, (D) Alabama:—"I like it here. Nobody mad at me; keep “em that way.” ASHURST, (D) Arizona:—'The golden sun slips from Heaven's grasp, blessing the mountain peaks with a rosy touch, and slips beyond the horizon. And so they buried Cxsar—let not the sacred sanctity of our Constitution, no, no, not sacred sanctity—there was a young lady from Tupelo; who climbed to the top of a cupola; she sat there in bliss, awaiting a kiss " HAYDEN, (D) Arizona:—"Hot in Phoenix; cool in here. Had fun when I was sheriff. Let ‘em roar.” CARAWAY, (D) Arkansas:—"Two tablespoonsful of baking soda. Maybe white at the cuffs would look all right.” JOHNSON, (R) California:—"Dog.- gone ‘em! Doggone ‘em!” McADOO, (D) California: —''May- be I'll make it yet.” ‘ PEPPER, (D) Florida:—"Here I am! Here I am! Whee!” “Nuts!"” LEWIS, (D) _ Illinois:—"Forsooth, ‘tis a calm and peaceful place. I love it here. When the Press Gallery fills uj a little more I'll talk about something.” VAN NUYS, (D) Indiana:—"Pop. pycock; poppycock. I'll come back.” CAPPER, (R) Kansas:—"Boy, could 1 write ‘em a story up in the Press Gal- lery. Like to be there again.” BARKLEY, (D) Kentucky:—"My gosh! What'll I do now? No use blam. ing me for everything. Wonder whose secretary that was smiled at me in the hall this morning.” OVERTON, (D) Louisiana:—"I could stand on my head and make a better speech than he’s making.” HALE, (R) Maine:—"Zzzzzzzzzzz." TYDINGS, (D) Maryland:— “Stomach hurts; wonder. what it is. Think I'm going pretty well. Like to wear my medals here some day.” WALSH, (D) Massachusetts:— “Think I'll diet a little; not now, a little later. What's he talking about?” VANDENBERG, (R) Michigan:— 14 “T've got to learn to sneer a little better.” HARRISON, (D) Mississippi:— “Boy! I'm going to burn ‘em up about Thursday. Feel ornery.” CLARK, (D) Missouri:—"I really mean it. They can’t put it over; I won't let them.” PITTMAN, (D) Nevada:—"Guess T'll go down to the barber shop.” McCARRAN, (D) Nevada:—‘Hope nobody makes me mad today; I don't want to get mad today.” COPELAND, (D) New York:— “How'm I doin’? How'm I doin’? Guess I'll walk over and whisper to McNary; the gallery can see the carna. tion then. How'm I doin’?” WAGNER, (D) New York:— “Wonder what would've happened if I had stayed in Germany?” REYNOLDS, (D) N. Carolina:— “Hotsy, totsy; nice blonde. Ought to sit down between dances more often. Feet hurt. Ooooooooch! Look at that honey in the gallery.” NYE, (R) N. Dakota:—"Like to write an editorial about me. Let's see, I'd say ” DONAHEY, (D) Ohio:—‘Mustn't forget to have my white shoes cleaned tonight.” McNARY, (R) Oregon:—"Been here a long time. Nice not to be both. ered by patronage. Got to watch Gar. ner; slick fellow.” DAVIS, (R) Pennsylvania: —"Ought to introduce a resolution; believe I will.” GUFFEY, (D) Pennsylvania:— “Nice in Mexico. Had a good time last night. Bor Am I a big shot!” CONNALLY, (D) Texas:—"Like my hair long this way.” KING, (D) Utah:—"Guess I'll walk around a little. Nice gallery.” AUSTIN, (R) Vermont:—"If Bark. ley tries to fc away with that I'll slap his ears back.” GLASS, (D)_ Virginia:—"“They're afraid of me; I'll keep ‘em that way. Don’t owe anybody anything.” BYRD, (D) Virginia:—"“Think we icked those apples too late. If I get to President it ” HOLT, (D) W. Virginia:— “Whew!” SCHWARTZ, (D) Wyoming:— “Wonder how thick the wood is over there. Wouldn't it be exciting if the chandelier fell. Looks like a recess; no, an adjournment. Don't have to wo about re-election for another five years.” GARNER, (D) Texas:—"“Why doesn't some fool move for a recess? King’s getting ready to splutter. Wish I had a pea-shooter. Don't know what I'd do with it if I did have. Why doesn’t Barkley look up here so I can give him the old office? Think I'll let young Holt sit up here; do him good. ‘Want to smoke; I'm gonna smoke.” —Harry NewMan. Madam Secretary Perkins N THE Cabinet in the Labor-chair Frances Perkins, bright and fair, Claps her hands and thinks it's great ‘When Unions start to agitate. Nigger-in-the-wood-pile, turkey.in-the-straw, Doggie-in-the-manger-labor law; If you close the mill and you knock off work You'll get the sympathy of Frances Perk. EN the boys sit down and the wheels all stop Frances says to Harry Hop, “Serve ‘em food as long as they stay And they'll keep on striking till the Judgment Day.” Fly-in.the-ointment, butter-on.the-floor, Who's that knocking at the big front door? "Come in,” she says, "for the time is Now—— If you want to start trouble 1 will show you how.” EN the Government starts constructing ships, * Frances opens rosy lips; “You can't have steel, that’s a hard, hard fact, Because of the Walsh and the Healey act.” Doggie-in-the-manger, money-on-the-blink, You can't build navies with paper and ink. The Admiral sighs and he roars, "Good grief! We'd better make Frances Commander in Chief!” —WALLACE IRWIN. Judge comicbooks.com