Judge — July 1937 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Oscar Jones Saves Democracy - Or JONES who lives next door to me Is never so irritating As when he supports my own sound con. clusions With ridiculous arguments. At such times the profoundest basic truths Have a way of seeming fallacious After Oscar subjects them to his talent For unfortunate illustration. Yesterday when he came to borrow my lawn-mower We got to talking about the Nine Old Men And being a liberal at heart I said: “You know, there are two sides to this question And before we accuse Roosevelt of pack- ing the Court Or wanting to be a Dictator We had better face the fact That most old men are ultra-conserva- tive And ignore human values And exalt property values And that these regrettable five-to-four decisions Are essentially undemocratic And in effect the decision of One Man.” “Yes,” said Oscar, “You are completely right For history proves (with a few minor exceptions— Notably Goethe, Socrates, Thomas Jef- ferson, Rameses II, Voltaire and the Duke of Wellington, Bismarck, etc.,) That seventy and senility are synonomous And if octogenarians such as Hughes and Brandeis Refuse to get out of the way of younger men Like for example Richberg, Felix Frank. 4 furter, Ani ibly John L. Lewis Wholare steeped in the best traditions of democracy—" “But Oscar,” I interrupted, “Hughes and Brandeis—” se »" said Oscar, “Just as you were observing Such men will exalt property values And ignore human values ‘Whenever they get the chance. I grant you they are sincere But so was Torquemada. Let us consider the case of Haywood Pat- terson That worthless Scottsboro negro The Vice Presidents of Eastman Settle a:Dis pute. Who, as you may recall, Was alt and repeatedly doomed to deat! By the State of Alabama— Yet because of its great concern for prop- erty rights The court was remarkably deft at split- ting hairs And used the old hokum of due process To set the rascal free.”” “But Oscar,” I protested, “It was his life—” “ ,”” said Oscar, “As you were about The right to live is the highest form of roperty And e ie clarify the situation If we next consider the case of Al Ca- ne. Just aesiee he deprived the Federal Government Of a few dirty dollars They put him in Alcatraz. You can trust them to forget human val- ues When a few dollars are at stake. But you probe the rotten’ core of the whole system When you challenge the dubious merit of five-to-four. ‘What if we have a million and one to a million? The million and million cancel; the final event Still hinges on one fallible man. What this country needs Is not more judges but more unanimity. Let us rescue democracy By ordering every decision to be unani- mous. ‘THE answer is really very simple. All we have to do is to choose a man Who is invariably right— A man without prejudice or passion— And preferably a man Ready, willing and able to create God In his own image (Both he and God to be always under . 70 And es two acting jointly (Or either of them in the absence of the other) Will cast the unanimous vote of all the judges. And while I realize as well as you That our solution does not quite conform To the demands of Mr. Roosevelt I believe he would accept this compro- mise Rather than let our great Democracy perish. Don't you?” OSCAR was so enamored with his plan He failed to see its obvious defect Which is, alas, That even Mr. Roosevelt may sometime reach The age of 70. —JOHN FRENCH WILSON. Judge comicbooks.com