Judge, 1937-06 · page 12 of 37
Judge — June 1937 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# "Make 'Em Hate You" - Judge Magazine Satire This is a satirical self-help parody by Jack Biondi mocking the 1920s-30s craze of self-improvement books (like Dale Carnegie's *How to Win Friends and Influence People*, published 1936). The narrator describes a "success method" that inverts conventional wisdom: instead of being likeable, he deliberately becomes rude, contemptuous, and insulting. The joke is that his anti-social behavior *does* work—but catastrophically. He gains notoriety rather than respect: he's fired, shot at, threatened 27 times, divorced, and faces deportation rumors. Yet he considers this a triumph, even offering a booklet to teach his "technique." The cartoons show his escalating obnoxiousness—ignoring coworkers, insulting civic groups, and generally being despicable—with people's reactions ranging from confusion to anger. The satire targets the absurdity of self-help culture and its often-contradictory promises, suggesting that following *any* rigid formula, even the opposite of traditional advice, produces ridiculous results. It's social commentary disguised as comedy.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
MAKE ‘EM ASHORT time ago I woke up and lived, won friends and influenced people, lived alone and liked it, and came glad that I was a neurotic—but it didn’t do a bit of good. Everyone else had read the same books. Everyone else was practicing right back at me the formula I was practicing on them, and of course the net effect was nil. Then IT came to me! And perhaps I can give you, gentle reader, a brief glimpse into the wonders of my method of gaining success and power. Generally speaking, my plan is to throw into reverse all existing methods of self-improvement. The underlying feature of the plan is to make all people hate you! My premise is that one always sepes an avowed enemy. Lesson One is How to Ignore People. All my pupils must consent to go through an entire day without speaking to anyone. Let me tell you about my experience: The first morning I set my features in a fine contemptuous expression and went to work. Ignoring the greetings of those slaves to self-improvement, my fellow workers, I stalked loftily to my desk. Bill Smith leaned across and asked me how I was feeling. I sneered and turned away. Several clerks came over during the day for some information, and I waved them away with a “too busy” movement of the hand. A feeling of power came over me when, late in the day, I observed a group talking about me. I got a real thnll when I saw in their eyes a dawning dislike. Truly, suc- cess was even then on the way. That evening I worked on my conceit mannerisms. I practiced walking with a pronounced strut, elevating my nose, raising my eyebrows and sneering. Next day I confined my silence to fail- 10 Heavenly Discord HATE YOU ing to answer questions, and went ac- tively about the business of becoming hated. Toward the end of the day one kindly soul came over to ask me if I wasn't getting enough sleep and wh didn’t I try hot milk before going to bed. I ignored him, used the sneer to ad- vantage, and looked up to notice the effect. It was amazing. Once more I had scored! Then I took three days off to further perfect my technique .A golden op f= tunity came when I was asked to address a civic body on conditions in the com. munity. By insulting the body generally and picking out individual members to specifically insult I created the greatest stir in the history of the group. The re- sult was my immediate expulsion and requests to address numerous other or- ganizations in the city. SHORT time ago I lost my job. Twice I have been shot at. My life has been threatened 27 times in the last fortnight, and I have not opened this morning's mail. My wife has di- vorced me. A rumor which was circu- lated to the effect that I am an alien illegally in this country is being investi- gated with a view to my deportation. No one speaks to me, but everyone talks about me. I am hated and feared, and my fame grows so rapidly that I understand there is a whispering cam. paign in progress warning all citizens that I intend to become the country’s first dictator. If it gains sufficient mo- mentum, mayhap I shall be. And finally, I am an odds-on favorite for assassina- tion within six months. Of course this is all very general. For particulars you simply must write for my booklet. —Jack Biono1. comicbooks.com