Judge — April 1937 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

And if you will stop yelling and by- godding me for a minute And just listen You may have the benefit of my con- clusions Which are: That we are not going to be yellow or spineless Or take life lying down. On the contrary We shall immediately confiscate the rec- ords Of the Swiss legation at Washington, D.C. And obtain a list Of all Swiss nationals temporarily resi- dent in America. This should make it easy to apprehend 4 innocent Swiss lawyers 9 innocent Swiss bankers 27 innocent Swiss married couples (pre- ferably honeymooning) and 44 innocent Swiss children All of whom could be tied securely on a raft (Taking care to tie husband and wife and mother and child together So as to separate no family unneces. sarily) And towed out beyond the harbor limits And sunk At practically no expense Thus avenging our martyred dead Precisely and in kind And at the same time Completely vindicating the national honor. Don't _ interrupt coming— You are going to say that nobody can be found To do the dirty job. Don't be so unpatrioti True, we may have to draft the heroes who tow the raft out— But what of that? We will reward them handsomely. When they die, years later, from natural causes, They shall have honorable burial In Arlington Cemetery. We will give gold stars to their mothers And all their progeny will be Sons and/or Daughters Of the Renowned Raft Reprisalists World without end. We will pension—" me—I can see it Tam a liberal at heart So I did not hit Oscar. I left him raving and ranting While I went down to the cellar to get him the stepladder. But as I went down I thought how odd it was That a damned pacifist Could be such an un-Christian blood- thirsty brute. If we had many more like him This country would need a Dictator by God! —JOHN FRENCH WILSON. April 1937 MILESTONES Tz European countries are at least neighborly. Now they're willing to return the cup of sugar they borrowed if we'll send over a bag of flour. ¥. We met a died-in-the-wool patriot the other day. He says he’s sorry he has only one income to give to his country. v Simile: As quict as a Supreme Court Justice observing his birthday. v Street illumination has advanced fur- ther in the United States than any other country. This is indeed a splendid trib- ute to the fellows faced with the stern problem of getting the poles up faster than we can knock them down. v And often your horoscope will be in your favor and the trafic lights won't. v Before you know it baseball will be back again and will probably become as popular as tear-bomb throwing. NE employer tells us he's giving a dance for his office staff just for the opportunity of secing them move fast for a change. v You might call this the Mysterious Age, with one half the people working on picture puzzle contests and the other half turning out surrealist art. v One firm claims its cigarettes do not contain an ingredient used in other cigar- ettes. It couldn't be tobacco, could it? v Now that African hunting expeditions carry radio equipment, we suppose they sit through the long evenings listening to the fire crackling and the howling of studio audiences. v A hundred thousand people assembled in Italy for a huge prosperity celebration. A gathering of this sort, of course, is easily accomplished in a country where the people have no cars to park. comicbooks.com