Judge — January 1937 — page 37: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE LIARS CLUB By ©. C. HULETT BEFORE we start this meeting, we will have two minutes of silent meditation for Brother Martin Dillon of Longford, Ireland. Mr. Dillon, you know, is the scientist who successfully crossed bana- nas with skid-chains to prevent people from slipping on banana peels. Unfor- tunately, it worked too well. When Brother Dillon tried it out, the peel held so fast he tripped and near broke his pate. Here's a letter from Brother H. Hoyes of Kansas City, Kansas. Brother Hoyes recently had a joust with a Kansas cyclone. “and just as I was about to hand the cashier my pay check the cyclone struck. Well, sir, it blew the figures and letters right off that check and left me standing there with a blank piece of paper in my hand!” There can be no doubt as to the truth of this statement, because Mr. Hoyes ‘sends us the blank check to prove it. . And here is a communication from A. V. Swartz, who calls Los Angeles home. Speaking of the Imperial Valley, Brother Swartz says that the heat is something terrific. And the tragedy of it all is, he insists, that after a long trek “It was pay day,” he writes, through the desert, the fool tourists jump into tubs of cold water. The heat from their bodies boils the water and scalds them to death. Another story that will bear investigating is that of W. A. Riordan, St. Paul, Minn. He writes: “I bought a new rac. ing car, and when my driver opened her up on a two-mile circular track, she went so fast he died from the carbon-monox- ide gas which issued from the exhaust- pipe in the rear.” Look into these statements, Mr. Sec- retary, and if you find any truth in them, we will send Brothers Swartz and Riordan to bed without their supper. This is thé season in which we hold elections for the title of World's Cham. pion Liar. I suppose I needn't tell you that Jim (Fibber McGee) Jordan was last year’s winner with his contribution which described how he trapped a bothersome rat by putting cheese under a thermometer. “The mercury fell so low during the night,” he informed us, "Yer goin’ fer a ride, mug.” “that it pinned the rat to the floor.” An entry in this year's contest comes from Brother V. J. Heger, of East Lee, Mass. Did you ever watch a flock of wild geese and note how they all follow the leader? Well, so did Brother Heger, and used it to his advantage. He heard a flock coming one day, and started to load his muzzle-loading rifle, but couldn't get the bullet in in time, so with the ramrod still in the gun, he rushed out, did some careful calculating, took aim at the leader and fired. Then, hastily placing a ladder against the side of the house, he picked up a flat rock, clambered up to the roof and waited. His aim had been true, his calcula- tions correct, for, pierced by the ram. rod, the dead leader plunged down, head first into the chimney. The bal. ance of the flock followed the leader, “and all I had to do to get me thirty. five geese,” writes V. J., “was to put the flat rock over the top of the chimney so they couldn't fly out!” Now, Mr. Secretary, we have here our, new lie detector, sent to us by Lee Hacker of Baltimore, Md., who objects to the bell which rings every time a lie is told. He says when he comes home late and starts to explain to his wife, the bell wakes up the neighbors. We have word from Brother Allan Shafer of Winthrop, Mass., regarding Lucky Pass, the steepest pass in the world. You are probably already aware that it is almost impossible for teamsters to get a load to the (Page 40, please) Judge comicbooks.com