Judge, 1936-12 · page 11 of 53
Judge — December 1936 — page 11: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Explanation for Modern Readers This page contains two satirical pieces reflecting 1930s concerns: **"Unite"** is a mock-revolutionary tract urging department-store Santas to unionize. It parodies communist/labor organizing rhetoric ("Santa Clauses of the world, Unite!") while describing their actual working conditions: wearing itchy beards, standing on one foot for hours, enduring endless child questions, and receiving only cardboard chimneys as props. The satire mocks both exploitative retail labor practices and overwrought union organizing language. The final line—"there ain't no Santa Claus"—is a cynical punchline about disillusionment. **"Winter Pie"** is a poem about hardship during winter, ending with "I'm on relief"—referencing Depression-era government assistance programs, treating poverty with dark humor. The accompanying cartoon shows a crowded department-store window display with a Christmas tree and Santa figures, illustrating the commercial Christmas machinery being satirized. The page critiques 1930s retail labor conditions and economic desperation through comedic exaggeration.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
UNITE SANTA CLAUSES of the world—ye who toil in the marts of Christmas trade —ye who sweat and shiver in red wool en uniforms Santa Clauses of the world—and there must be millions of ye Santa Clauses of the world Unite! They give you a tiny silver bell, and you tinkle it through the cold and end- less hours. You hop on one foot, and you stamp with the other. And men, and women, and children and babes ask you questions—ques tions— questions! Sa not ta Clauses of the world—you have g to lose but your cardboard chimneys Awa questions, and real fires under chimneys Stand on your constitutional rights Christmas comes but once a year. Do away with beards that itch and plague you xe! Demand union hours, less You needn't wear beards if you don't want to. Remember that tradition is the opium of the people. Arise, and strike off the shackles that bind you! If old St. Nicholas were alive today he'd never submit to the forces of deg- radation and decay which has set in among your once glorious ranks. He would be the first to free himself of the old, the outworn, and press forward to the young, the vital, the living, the ex. panding. St. Nicholas, for all his jolly ways, despised the slave without voice and spine : Santa Clauses of the world—rally your forces for the battle. Solidarity of rank and file must be achieved, as not many shopping days remain until Christmas. Santa Clauses of the world... . keep in mind that there ain't no Santa Claus. Unite! —ARTHUR ERENBERG. ’ It's difhicult to say which are worse, the people who send wish-you-were-here postcards from the south or the people who stay north and try to sell you boxes of Xmas cards. , Things must be improving. The only people you hear whining now are the trumpet players in night club bands. Stocking the cellar with cabba nips, apples, etc Building a stone fireplace your timber land away from the Indians “Amatuzio is having an expansion sale.” WINTER PIE Winters have come and gone and I have heard Above the crunchy crackling of dawn, Adjacent frosty bells that stirred A trembling notion that by Spring I might not hear their brittle ring Winters have come and gone and 1 have known The pinchin chill, the wan Fragility of bone Dry nights, the gnawing freeze That saps man’s life by slow degrees Winters have come and gone, but none before When hope rose high upon Unfriendly winds to soar Above despair and bitter quivering grief; This winter, toots, I'm on relief. —CAarROLL CARROLL. vow PREPARING FOR WINTER IN 1776 IN 1936 s, tur. Stocking the cellar with coal, scotch, applejack, ete hockshop proprietor. Putting a heater in the car. Getting your overcoat away from the Judge comicbooks.com