Judge — April 1934 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

i ISTEN, stupid, you are supposed to be writing for a ] humorous magazine. I've read your stuff now for two years and the only laugh I got was when you | picked the Giants to win the penn | out a few jokes for a change Fresno. Ah, these California readers! Loyalty, that’s what it is. They must know I am a native son at heart. Fanny has the right idea at that. Sports can be too darn serious. I watched the Cambridge University Rugby te play at Baker's Field the other da faced coach on the bench. No hovering around with all eyes on the gate receipts. y one was having a gorgeous time and what is still stranger their American opponents were playing the game with a smile and a zest which would have made any college football coach think he had wandered into a class reunion, Yes, sir, we are very grim in this country. We have to win too much. nt again this year. How Signed: Fanny from m le O how about a few anecdotes, Fanny? There S is a wonderful character umpiring baseball games down South. His name is amboat Johnson, and his voice is all that his name im- plies, Steamboat has a fund of yarns. One is about a home town umpire who was having a bit of trouble controlling a game in Atlanta. The boys in the stands were telling him just w they thought about the quality of his decisions. | Finally, the umpire whipped off sis mask anc ed the stands back of the plate. “If the cus- tomers don’t behave I will be forced to call this game and give it to the visiting team!” There was a pause—the umpire stood there belligerently, Suddenly a raucous voice shouted : “Get on with the game, you big tramp, be- fore I tell them about that royal flush you dealt in Birmingham!" The umpire turned on his heel—rep! mask and resumed the game. ced his Herre SMITH, the golf pro is, as everyone knows, just about the most temperate and modest young player in the game today. A few years ago when he came out of the West to sweep a triumphant path through tourney after tourney he journeyed out to movie land. The Angelenos feted him no end. Through it all Horton Smith remained the same, shy Joplin boy he always had been. One day at a party a movie queen, piqued at this mysterious youngster, leaned over and said “Mr. Smith, [ hear you are the perfect you you mean to tell me you have no vice “W sure I have,” s, Horton “You have! What are they 2” “Well,” and Horton) stammered. kinda short with my putts man, Do —sometimes I'm HEN there is the story that’s told whenever a couple of old Yale rowing men get together. Its was a Harvard oarsman traveling in the Far East. hoat steamed into the harbor of Shanghai they passed ter race between a couple of man-o-warsmen’s crews. T Harvard man watched the boats flash by and th to the crowd clustered at the rail and exc in front rows just like Harvard!” A Chinaman, standing near, replied that he didn’t him. “Just what do you know about the rowing style of a Har- vard Crew?” inquired the Crimson oarsman with deep scorn. “Alas, honorable sir,” replied the Chinaman “I regret th I spoke. I never saw a Harvard crew row. of the Yale boat for three years!” a cut- turned That crew aimed : gree w t I was coxswi a wind-up I give you the yarn of the late John Mc- Graw at the races. It is old but still good. McGraw was a great race-goer and this afternoon the gee-gees hadn't been running so well. Came the last race. MeGraw stood by the finish post and watched ‘em come down the stretch. His choice and an outsider were neck and neck. As they came abreast the post the outsider forged ahead by a John McGraw couldn't contain himself, He cupped hi and yelled Slide, you nag, slic There you are, Fanny. jose. hands I hope you like it. Next month —Rex Deane. st Lynne! comicbooks.com