Judge — December 1933 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

compendium of strictly brilliant useless gifts. The marvel is year after year, come wind, come come d-pr- n, the strange, mar- velous minds that invent its items, keep right on thinking 'em up. Good cess to them! ERCROMBIE & FITCH, the lgeteers of Madison Ave. & present these b d new su- and ally Judge Juniorish gifti A eush- ion with Torridaire insert. For Fanny ina cold Stadium . . . Snakeproof L gings: Whose afraid of the Big Copperhead . . . Life Vest: Don it b fore the party and the sea gets ro} on your yot... Duck Hunter’s Muf To keep the pie-lifters comfy between shots (gun, not the other kind) .. . Martini. Mixer: Specially constructed for the Loyal Sons 6f Martini Lovers + Stadium Robe and Cushion Com- bination: Snuggle up under this with cutie and to heck with what happens on the field. . . Stereo-camera (and viewer): Take your own stereopticon snapshots and preserve three-dimen- sic views of Grandfather Whurple’s whiskers for posterity . Kaydette Radio: Slip its 2 Ibs. in your pocket, plug it in wherever you are and annoy your friends ... Camera Phonograph: Take it along in case the radio doesn’t work... Asprey False Fingernails: Come in any color; slip on a full set and scratch a few initials on the back of his neck. Zebra skin bindings: A & F will cover anything you want in striped jackass binding. At last, a use for the zebra! ... Saddle Ashtray: Ana for those who don’t want to toss butts on the bridle path, also htray “The N. R. A. made us put on an extra man this year.” 15 chair armrests . . . Reversible Sports Wristwatch: For milady’s strenuous and her street side, a two faced watch for two ed people . . . All Proof Wristw Drop it from the Empire State Tower; it won't break nor are you likely to get it back again... Heads or Tails Flip Coin: For chronic coin flippers, will not land on edge. . . Rolex Electric massager: To tickle your spine, stimerlate the skin or take the Kate Smith off your hips. St. Christopher Watch Charm: Stick the thing on your chain and St. Chri topher will protect you if you are a se: farer or a virgin (Well, are a lot of people going to sea these days) ... Re- peal Kit: Containing bottle openers, champagne wire nippers, bottle stop- pers, hangover recipes, etc. Now what on earth use would a thing like that be to anybody ? (Page 22, please) comicbooks.com