Judge — December 1933 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

i Judge JUDGING D AR Santa Claus, I have been meaning to write you for a long time but what with Repeal, Mae West and watching those crazy the Red Sox are making, I never around to it. How are you fixed for second base- men? I have a guy here now called Tony Lazzeri and he seems to be get- ting a little weary in the dogs. Then how about another Babe Ruth? He can still knock that apple around but you know how it is when a guy gets around forty in this game. Let me hear. The Colonel has sent Byrd to the Pole on a scouting trip but I don’t think we want any the big leagues. Merry Xmas, Joe McCarthy, Manager, New York Yankees. imos in R Santa, You can send me oranges, apples, grapefruit and I'll even eat figs but for the luvva Mike lay off pears. I picked one up last year in a sand trap at Cin- cinnati and it cost me my match. Remember now, if you must put fruit in my stocking I'll take stewed prunes or spinach! Merry Christmas, Sidney W. Noyes, Jr. EAR Mr. Claus, I don’t want anything myself but please send my pal Charlie Moran a nice big pair of spectacles for Xmas. If that red-faced soandso thinks I wasn’t safe on first he is crazy as a hoot owl. But herg I go again getting all worked up. Nfke those spectacles large . . . he'll need them next year when we trim the Giants four straight. Happy Xmas, Heinie Manush. EAR §. Klaus, Esq. I am writing to tell you how dly we all feel about the way you have neglected us this year. After having cleared a space around our tree for the Davis Cup you passed our house up and went down the chimney of that English family across the street. I feel, however, that owing to Peace and Goodwill and all that sort of thing I should not bear you any malice. So I am writing to tell you that I don’t wish anything for myself or my family of as- sociates this Christmas, However, if you can see your way me SPORTS clear to leaving a large basket of rasp- berries on the doorstep of one W Tilden I will be greatly obliged. I lay a great deal of our trouble to him and feel sure that he has been telling you things about me. I have to go now and start our boys training for next year, They must reach Wimbledon and St. Cloud in a state of complete exhaustion. This is part of the glorious tradition of American tennis which we must uphold at all costs. A Merry Christmas, my fine fellow, Bernard S. Prentice, President, U.S. L.-T. A. AR Santa Clausilowzxcy, That was your name when you played for Fordham some years axe wasn’t it? Well, anyway, I am in trouble and T want you to help me out. It seems several of the boys around town are be- ginning to understand my book of foot- ball rules. ow I ask you, when did anyone ever and my rules? Least of all the referees. If this idea of clearing things up continues, the first thing you know even the spectators will be able to tell what's happening. So, won't you please bring me a nice new, shiny book of football rules this Xmas? Make them plenty complicated, big boy, and we'll spring the works on the coaches and referees next summer. What do they think they are trying to put over anyway? Let me hear soon, Walter Okeson, Chairman of the Football Rules Com- mittee. un EAR Santa, I have a proposition to make. Things at the Garden have been picking up a bit, and that can’t go on. Suppos- ing you bring me a nice bag full of palookas for Christmas, eh pal? I'll split with you. I'll split thirty-seventy and dough like that isn't to be sniffed at. Now be sure you don’t bring anyboc who can fight. What I want is palookas, and they don’t even have to know enough to make it look good. You bring ‘em in the bag and I'll keep ’em in it. So let me hear and don’t forget the split—Thirty-seventy. Merry Xmas, old pal, and don’t take any wooden reindeers. “Jimmy Madison Square Garden Matchmaker. comicbooks.com