Judge — May 1933 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Judge The Thirty-Fourth Semi-Quarterly Over-The-Counter Form Sheet And Annual Crocus Location Chart of the HREE RIVERS, MICH., Probably at no time in its somewhat jumbled history has the Guild been pushed further into the national fore- ground and away from those crossroads than during the recent fortnight or so. And much of the impetus was gained from a single project adopted at the suggestion of Ross H. Coller, F.P., and S. Hayes Ensinger, F.P., of Buffalo. These sterling crusaders in the cause of right and virtue rec- ommended, during the last fiscal huddle, the following program: “That burglar alarms be removed from the outside of all banks and placed on the inside.” In this program Mr. Rossinger ar Mr. Hacoll have, what Guild bi lieves to be a brilliant conception. A nation-wide scoping has been ordered. And those de- their services should communicate im- mediately with cither Mr. Cosigner or Mr. Enler. siring to enlist Events, of course, are still in the saddle, but, regard- s have been se- less of this drawback, two new offic lected to bolster up the Guild’s executive command :— The Rev. Arthur Peabody Pratt, F.P., D.D., of Green- field, Mass., and E Funk, F.P., of Detroit. Rev. Pratt pumped in the Stoughton Street Baptist Church of Dorchester, Mass., for a period of two years and six months. He resigned with honor, and of his own accord. He was named Lone Custodian of the Guild’s Clean Slate. ward B. R, FUNK earned recognition by virtue of a service he rendered to the Methodist Episcopal Church in Warsaw, Ind. The loft of the church was full of rats. During lulls between assignments, Master Funk hombarded the rodents with BB shot from his slingshot. The staccato clicks of the shot bothered the minister so much that he complained to the manufacturers of the organ concerning its many peculiar and unexplainable rackets. The manu- facturers investigated but could find nothing wrong. And the secret is just now published for the first time. Mr. Funk has been elevated to the position of the Guild's Chief Sharpshoot- pumping (Form 87514 Jennie and Lillie—tithe Of an eighth), Dn CMepu— SEs “Pump, for the Wind is Fleeting” an Pumpers Other Guild activities have, following the general trend, been, according to the records, somewhat above normal. The development of the No. 8 Stresser by August H. Tucchter, F.P., of Cincinnati, O., has influenced the per- fection of a No, 3 Liquidator by Homer C. of Detroit, Mich, Mr. swings on a No. 7 Are and is Sprong, F.P., of New York C believes that thought- ful consideration should be given to the vital influences that can be obe What This Nation Does Not Need. Carl Clancy, F.P., of Dedham, Mass., president of the Society For Apprehending Horse Thieves, won a ticket in the Irish Sweepstakes. His profit will be used in furthering the aims of his organization. J IHN RODEMEY- ER, F.P., of Green- wich, Conn., will soon to isolate a member of the late Lame Duck Congress, and will perpetuate the specimen for posterity under rules provided for in the moral code of the Wild Cast-Iron Animal Life Conservation Cru- sading Unit. Abian A. Wallgren, F.P., and Dan Sow- ers, F.P., have been appointed Grand Quints for the Eastern Pennsylvania District, with the right to sue, as usual, Tip Bliss is shaping up a subsidiary known as the Unthinkable Untouchables on Sorolla Avenue in Coral Gables. A new air era which will be known either as an aera or an aira has been inaugurated over Station WOR, And Frank E. Redmond F.P., of ys that the way to figure the gear on your bicycle is to multiply the number of teeth on the front sprocket by the number of teeth on the back sprocket and divide by the diameter of your arm- band. So, as Ol dayliss, ayliss’ Liquidator y. Curtis free of side Wi attempt Charley Grash used to say:—(Charley was always going down into Indianny to see how they grew their petunias down there, but just never quite got at it)—*You never can tell when you're best off.” That’s usually the way. However, make 'em turn out if they want to pass you. Be thoughtful and earnest. And let me hear. Yrs tr'ly, (Sgd) Grand Diapason comichooks.