Judge — March 5, 1932 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

it’s hell what the alm Beach does to quests’ appetites, I excused myself, and found Arthur I 1. T told him my idea of a good time was to present the check to M This was done! Perhaps I’ve discussed “check” too much—but that’s what one does in Palm Beach, was ordered d outdoor life in J: st as the sun went down I was “driven b to the Poinciana, to dress for dinne Vincent, my bell- hoy, fetehed ham sandwiches and milk which [ate in the tub, Vincent rubbed me too thickly with ung when T got into a slipping off. Fi hig yellow. searf, ntine, and dress shirt it kept ly T wore only a @ la foulard, and cd veddy nice. Still in Arthur's Rolls, [ sped out Chilean Way and garnered Tick Weyberne, whose hus- hand was in Chicago—goody-goody ! ‘Then on to The Patio Lamaze and another big check. The food, though spare, was excellent. ‘Tick complained of the smallness of her portion of sweetbreads, and T called a waiter and dictated a telegram to Geo Lamaze in New York. I said, Iy portion of swectbreads too small can do something about plains answer came at dessert tim fore sweetbreads ce regards to Sport Ward. From there we drove to the Colony Club, Arthur Hand's outdoor night place. Ernie Holst’s toe-tapping okestra is the only one in the world which can keep time with me, unless Mae is on the floor at the same time-- then one of us always looks out of step. After a well-washed dinner Mac gocs master-of-ceremonies wherever he is, and he picks on the Colony Club more than others. It is nothing at all to him to: pull out the small piano do a Helen Morgan with plays with his feet, which worries Mr. Holst. (1 must ad- mit, however, the high spot in Mac's anity was reached when he cut in on a pair of professional ada- gio dancers, It happened in Co coanut Grove where nothing like that dared happen before! I saw four JUDGE fall head first into tea- It's surprising how quickly o'clock in the morning buzzes didn’t want to call it a night—nor did Tick. I heard a peep- ing off to the left—the strains of “Cheerful Little Earful,” and in two leaps Twas at Roger Kahn's table. So was Mac, dammim! Arthur Hand had taken his last the cash register, and [ feared ht was ending. “Come on, ever’- commanded Arthur, “we're to my flat at the Colony-Ambas- sador!” From then I remember noth- ing except Mac was busy composing music and lyrics for the Kalins. Sud- denly I saw a dowagers cups.) three ‘round, I lanced out the window and all of fire. It was It was cight o'clock, and I was due at the first tee at nine! [ aL awd | the sun! 7 s é \ helped Mr. Hand sit down and I went hack to the Poinciana, splashed through some oatme: rrived on time it the golf club, still in dinner clothes, and lost my match cight and six! I returned to the hotel and found a note from Mr. V : “What's the t on the party Eye-Queues H" is a question that was recent- ly propounded to students at the Johns Hopkins University. in telligence test, and they were was sent to the One day and generally used American proverb was thoroughly explained to him, He finished his education and returned to educated, common Japan, Some time after he had sion to use that American pr which he did in his own language, but when translated into English was as follows: ‘Unseen idiot.” erb, the n proverb? A fastidious city man entered the lone poolroom-soda fountain-barber shop of a small Western town, De- siring a hair-cut, he observed the two barbers to see which was one could serve him better. Barber No. 1) was well set up, sartori- ally and tonsorially presentable, Barber No. 2 was given to obesity, terrible neckties, and his hair might have been ravished by a lawn mower. Which should he choose ? ast week's—No, 1: — shells would not be me,” so two shells produced two nuts. Twi many shells produced eight nuts, thre times as many produced thirty-six. Total, 46. No. The clever stenog folded her carbon sheets, treated surfaces insid dropped them over the top edges of the white sheets, twirled them in her machine, wrote “The quick brown fox jumps, ete., on the untreated surface of the first carbon, found that e white shect took two impressions, eac! carbon sheet two. Total impressions, 13, Try it! Some of the lines will be backward, but who wants to read them anyway? And this, [should judge conservatively, is about the most useless Eye-Queue that’s ever been conceived. s than two The Gag Inane is requires a small prop and a dumb victim. You say to the vic- tim:—"IT bet I can show you a ma- 1 object you never saw before; T never saw i » one cver saw it. that vou will never see it again; I will it again; no one will ever When your victim takes the bet, you pull out a peanut, erack it, show the kernel and eat it. —Jvoor, Jn. comicbooks.com