Judge — February 6, 1932 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Two-Pants Problem Te first time I purchased a suit for myself, I was trapped by the two-pants lure. “Doubles the life of the suit. Just like buying two,” said the man. In a few months, and, mind you, before I had launched the extra an to notice pair of pants, [ be rm- ing tendencies at my elbows, At first it was like the early wn through a thick grove of pines. Then, like the sun on the Sahara, my shirt burst into view. I went to Mosiskiewicz. Mosiskie- wiez is the suit surgeon from the steppes. [ presented my elbow prob- lem and he merely said, “Vell.” (It's his work, not his conversation, that makes Mosiskiewiez the great man he is.) But patched elbows are like tempo- rary fillin It's just a matter very little time . es, T bought an- other suit. But none of your two- pants fiascos, “There are two kinds JUDGE That’s my thumb!” of men,” said the glib advocate of my last failure. “Elbow-wearers and seat- wearers. And us salesmen can’t al- ways distinguish the types on You are, obviously, an elbow-wearer and should invest in the si suit.” Which [ did, with no luck at all. The coat remained like new while the pants underwent a metamorphosis more remarkable than the famous co- coon example. Fer after a shabby period of abnormal shine, the trousers, like the cocoon, burst open aft. T ensuing years were harrowing. I set about systematically to de- termine whether [ was an elbow-wear- eror a seat-wearer. If it hadn't been so it would have been funny. Every time IT bought a simple three- piece suit, the seat gave way. When- ever I tried the two-pants varicty, out popped the elbows. Early one spring I purchased a remarkable suit. It happened to be my turn to go in for spare trousers, and I had decided to make this the final test. What [ would have done if it had failed, I cannot, and will not The suit wore like a colonial door The fact that it also rather d like one was of no significance to me. I alternated the pants, after marking them A and B for. 1: ratory reference. On went this Hereu- lean garb, week after week. The markings A and B= wore out of sight. The trousers’ seats shone like the full moon on Lake Champlain comicbooks.com