Judge, 1932-01-09 · page 9 of 36
Judge — January 9, 1932 — page 9: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Judge Magazine Page Analysis This page contains three separate satirical pieces: **"Where You From?"** mocks American regional provincialism. The text jokes that citizens define the U.S. from their own perspective—New Yorkers think the Hudson River divides the country; Californians think their border does. The author (Tom Sims) proposes marking sectional boundaries with white lines to end confusion about regional identity. The satire targets parochial attitudes and the absurdity of regional superiority complexes common in early 20th-century America. **"Double Header"** makes three brief topical jokes: Cuba offering both alcohol and divorce (likely referencing post-Prohibition era tourism), Paul Whiteman (a famous bandleader of the 1920s-30s) becoming a hockey goalie, and banks harassing depositors during financial hardship. **"No Thoroughfare"** (poem by Margaret Fishback) and the cartoon about "Siamese Twins" satirize emotional detachment—the ability to amputate feelings and relationships instantly when they become uncomfortable, depicted as conjoined twins where one simply abandons the other after 50 years. The ice-fishing cartoon at top appears unrelated to the articles below it.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE “Don't stand there like a fool—go get the movie camera!” Where You From? e’s appoint a commission to have our sectional boundaries surveyed ind indicated by white which will permit of no dispute. You take a man from Ohio. Te : orker he's a Westerner; to nian lines he’s an Easterner; to ‘ortherner, and to a ‘ outherner. I'll admit Ohio is a very nice state. But. even so, it simply isn’t possible for her citizens to be from the West, East, North and South. They've no call to. play all) four sides of the bridge tat To a native New Yorker the Hud- son River cuts the United States in half. Those who live beyond it are To a Californian’ the California border cuts the United States in half. Those who live be- yond it are very foolish indeed. Citizens of Seattle (excluding, possibly, Addison Sims) will ask an Indianap ... will ask an Indianapal . will ask a man from Indianapolis how he likes living in the East. A Floridonian will ask a North Caro- linian how he m: s to live through those Northern winters. The thing to do is to appoint a commission to mark off our sectional boundaries. Mark them with white lines or white fences. I'm from Alabaina myself. The first act of the commission should be to put those damn Kentucky Yankees in their places. —Tom Sins Westerners. These days it's only the very hard- boiled egg that can bring home the bacon. Double Header Cuba knows how to give the public what it wants. You can now get a drink and a divorce there on the trip. ne Well, if Paul Whiteman is ever out of a job, he can have the goalie’s position on our hockey team, And with the banks in the condi- v they time for ibury to be harassing their biggest depositors. ti ire, this is a fine No Thoroughfare I usep to have a fragile heart, But now I have acquired the art OF amputating from my brain And soul the source of any pain As soon as ever I'm aware Unhappiness is in the air. Before he’s had a chance to do Much damag. My darlir The very second that you say A single word that seems unkind Or menaces my peace of mind. out he goes, and you, will be on your way —Mancaner Fisitnack yorngn Finst Stamesr Twin—Holy Cat—he just gave you fifty years! 7