Judge — November 21, 1931 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

VIOLATES AUDIENCE Endurance Sitting ATTENDING Gene O'Neill's jumbo- ized “Mourning Becomes Elec- tra,” which starts around four and persists till eleven is such « dur- ance test I feel it my duty to tip you off on how to prepare yourself for the ordeal and how to comport your- self after you get there. I took in the opening performance fully armed with all manner of apparati including gun, camera, calipers, air-pillows, flasks, Sterno burners and test tubes —designed to collect information for your comfort and have the following to report:— Make your preparations to go months in advance. I know some- body who gave up his two weeks’ va- cation just for this purpose. Don't drink too much coffee for lunch the day you go. It may keep you awake ail afternoon. Don't expect to be able to dress between the afternoon and evening performances. The intermission lasts only an hour and you're expected to take nourishment in that time in order to be able to live thru the evening performance. If you insist on dressing you will find this the simplest plan. Women should wear a gingham apron over their soirée dress, removing this be fore the evening shows. Gents can slip on overalls or wear a long linen duster with tails beneath. The time being so short for dinner it is O. K. tc operate a Sterno burner JUDGE AIG in the lobby light snack. The tickets of admission are a lit- tle disappointing in that they are not L like a ticket from New York to Chicago in length. All you get two separate pasteboards, one for each performan However, this makes it convenient if you want to send a substitute in for yourself dur- ing the second half. Get someone who has seen it to pro- vide you with a chart of family rela- tions in the play itself. They're com- plicated and cannot be traced without such help. Undertakers will be pleased to at- tend. There are a plethora of kill- ings, perzonings and suicides. After four or five hours it looks as tho the play would run out of actors to knock off and I thought a lot of the scene shifters or audience would have ‘to out and volunteer to destroy themselves to keep things going. You'll find it t not to look te wise while standing in the Thes Lobb: As far as I could see the In- tellectuals were making their last stand at the play. Some of them stood around for three hours before the thing commenced. The Marx Brothers are doing “Monkey Business” around the corner at the Rivoli, and you can catch a midnight perform- ance of those genial apes, making sure of a jitterless effect left by O'Neill. and get yourself up a are come Pay As You Enter am one } Jor that I who is in favor neing at funer- als, I nevertheless de- of da plore the falling off of —whoopee-making in the home, cause: The Black neial Famine of 1931. I see no reason why, while waiting for the Grand Boom to come steaming in, one can- not continue having fun on the side. I have therefore put my massive brains to \ MO, the task of how to have a good time on nothing and yet profit the spirit, and have evolved the Depression Party, the idea and economics of which are simple. You have, let’s absolutely noth- ing of the stuff that crinkles or clinks. So you invite your friends to a party and on the invitation you design Depression Par they'll be expected to pay their drinks and breakages. If you wish, you can include a list price of drinks and food—being very careful not to charge speakeasy prices. Three dollars for liquor is about average. Food would come to about a dollar and a quarter, and I should judge this sum would com id some rather re- freshing and palatable substances. Brea es I reserve comment on, but I do suggest to guests that if the host sounds as tho he were overcharging you, don’t hesitate to bring in an ap- praiser. The question of etiquette and how to present the entrance fee to the host naturally Since great friend- ships are built on money, I would feel no compunction about slapping it down in front of the party-giver at NO—| WAilED AND ('M TAKING [T Lom) HERE AT SS sMoaenine BECOMES arises. comicbooks.com