Judge — October 31, 1931 — page 25: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

NIGH HAR® Let’s Revive the Civil War ur only Southern girls I've ever known turned out when the fuzz was stripped from their peach cover- ings to be from Stamford, Conn., southern brogue courtesy of constant visits to the Harlem night clubs. So I was pretty exc rned that “Satan” Cavalling—her name is Cyn- thia but Satan’s what they meaning- fully call her—was coming No'th for the winter and was going to spend practically all her time in myall com- pany. A’ real Southern heat-radiator and practically all mine! Who knew but things might get out of hand and mean love, a home, babies, Judge Sr.— Well, T should have known better in the first place to get up at 6 a.m. to meet a boat coming in at 7, let alone meet a boat bearing a Southern peach. No woman, son, is good before 10 p. m, when they finally theirall hair smoothed out. Ws Dsore LUCKEY, Junin DIN MARREM Kun! again, it is said “98% of the popula- tion of our jails come from the class that habitually rises before seven.” In other words, the further after seven you get to bed the more honest you are. Furthermore, they ought to lock up New York harbor lest boat ar- rivals cut too heavily into night life. But I was theyah on the peeuh punctually with sleep crowding my eyeballs. No one was to be scen on the boat as it swung into the North River slip except an old Darky who JUDGE vainly fished for a mooring stanchion with a piece of rope. He knew nothing about anyone on board so I curled up on a bale of cotton and went to sleep little car- ing whether or not I was full of boll-weevil when I awakened. I was dreaming the world was a huge mountain of ice- m and I was skiing up and down it on spoons with a passel of soft spoken cu- ties when a voice like syrup poured on moonbeams said “Hahyouallhonni youallbeenallmylahf ? there was the Miss Universe looking into the eye that would open! Up to that moment I thought I could han- dle the English language, having been born in this country, but I'll be a funny name if I knew what she was talking about. Beauty, however, necds no interpreter (“Ring a la ong, Twitherham, Junior has ni tied!) so IT was sure it was Satan. Which it was. My unchevalier annoy- ance melted and the first thought that came into my mind was “I must hurry off and get married to this luscious peach—before she gets eaten up which will be any moment now.” I was about to suggest this when she said, “Boy friend, Ah'm simply stah- ving fo’ a daop It was then and there I should have left her. I had heard about how daopes wer undermining our fine flower of South- ern youth and I realized then it would break up my marriage. I refuse to stop for anything when I get married. So, we went and had a daope, and didn't get married. And I figure my- self lucky. Here is a rough idea why I am not cut out to be the husband of a South- ern Belle:— Satan wanting an apartment we went apartment-hunting. Her speci- fications were that the apartment be situated right over a corner drug- store with a private chute leading down to the soda fountain. Well, I'd rather have Coca Cola piped from the South to an apartment atop the Wal- dorf Astoria than live in a place she designated—a_ spot always occupied by “J. Fricdman, Painless Ext tion.” My name's not Friedman. Be sides m. pacity may be 16,000 gins Ansley vic! “The TOWER OF SOUTHERN YouTHL IS BRING, UNDERMINED BY DACP a year, but it amounts to one daope every so often. Once in the apartinent she picked— right over Liggett’s because the soda boy was Southern (trouble right there for a husband)—she insisted on grow ing mint in my riding boots which she borrowed. Did I burn up! IT never knew what she was talking about and had to take Van Vechten, my cullid man, along with me to in- terpret, which not only annoyed her but worked out badly in the love scenes. After a while I got to talking that y myself and I wis mistaken for oucho Marx an old Southern boy himself (South Brooklyn) several times. With myall accumulated Southern accent I had to be gallant to all wom- (Continued on page 26) [28 PERSE SE aK, yaae F GW, TRY Hy “QuttER, DASH OF Gamuc, —\ ONE BUNCH SPRING ONONS? comicbooks.com 4 | er | | | | | iq | | ? ! | | i ' i ha | | i) 1a