Judge — October 31, 1931 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE “Well, so long, old man, If you ever come to Hollywood, be sure to look me up.” “Saturday’s Children.” Lament I viiNk that I shall never be A national celebrity. Of that there seems to be small hope, I'll never rise to praise a soap. No shaving cream or cigarette Will feature me in ads, I'll bet. My fame shall never be so great That I'll be advertising bait. No one will ever pay me cash For praising cans of succotash. No advertiser seems to care Whatever I put on my hair. For this I am not great enough; I'm just the guy who buys the stuff. —R. C. O'Brten 4 CHECK YOUR HAT A' rer Fred Weems had told me he lost a new ten dollar hat at the Metropolitan Lunch, I decided to be more careful, so the next day when the waiter brought me a glass of water and a menu I asked for the manager. “The 1 “he repeated in surprise. “Is anything wrong, sir? “No,” [ replied. “TL just want to check my hat and co: d ’s why I want to sec We have no check-room,”” | “T know that,” I scowled. the m The waiter cyed me with some measure of disbelief and flicked some imaginary crumbs from the table. “But——" “Will you call the manager?” [ demanded abruptly. The waiter hurried away and returned presently with a worried-looking individual who wanted to know what the trouble was. “No trouble T assured him. “IT just want to check > manager looked puzzled. “But we have no——" “TL know,” [ interrupted patiently, “you have no cheek- room.” I nodded toward a cardboard sign tacked on the wall. “I want to check my things with you.” The manager examined the sign: z SONAL PROPERTY UNLESS CHECKED BY THE MANAG “J see,” murmured the 4 doubtfully. “No one has ever Ilis voice trailed off > be to the waiter. “C’me examined the menu while they held short conference in undertones. I caught such ph ind the ster,” ‘under the cigar punctuated with — furtive glances in my direction, I kept my eyes glued to the menu and tried to assume the expression of a man who was not to be trifled with. The huddle broke up and the man- esas “be “T’d like to report a stolen watch!” comicbooks.com