Judge — September 5, 1931 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

| JUDGE Advice to Young Men ovay I address the future back- bone of / a, those young men about to enter college in the class of "35. Any young, able-bodied, normal male who is lucky enough to have an old man still crazy enough and pro- vided with then ary dough to launch him on a loafing cruise of four ars ought to put aside thoughts of , Harvard and Princeton, and go to some good college in New York. That great metropolis boasts about twenty different colleges, and my theory is that a good man may be down at Princeton, Yale or Harvard, but he is usually out—under a table on West 45th St., N.Y. The advanta in New York city is your campus, no matter what college you attend, The town boasts no less than 30,000 speaks, all handy to the study halls and conveniently cached by bus, subway, trolley or po- eman's direction, What with the ollies,” the * dals,” the i * the “Band Wagon,” the tle Show,” Heywood Broun’s “Shoot the Works” and any number of other musical shows going full blast, there are at least three girls apicce for every Gotham freshman. There are also innumerable burlesque houses for the pre-med student or those who intend building bridges from models. Seventy-seven theatres ght to provide relaxation from the classroom’s ord Hundreds of golf links, tennis courts, wrestli and boxing bouts, deb parties, political in- vestigations, and floating crap games ought to add the spice to the usual dull routine of sitting around Tony's of an evening trying to decide which one is really Dorothy Parker. The ages of going to college re obvious. ‘The whole SS a3. wil. Apes Wy THE NEW ORK STUDENTS iw Lizzie MST BE ATMOSPHERIC — Plaza is open every afternoon for tea dancing and rescuing débutantes from fighting melancholia and athlete's foot. In sum, I can hardly expect to outline the innumerable advantages of coming to New York to college, having but succeeded in skimming the surface. And so, bearing this in mind, I offer you raw (but not crude, I hope) mate- 1 of a short summary of the chief New York colleges, pointing out their main features, location and good points, if any. The list is led, of course, b: Columbia University: Situated a bus or subway ride from the Park Central Hotel, where Rothstein used to p! a little stud. Known as the Macy Dept. Store of Universities, altho the aks-Fifth Avenue. Courses prices are IG. $10 a point, terms strictly payable in advance. President: Dr. Nicholas But ler, the man nobody owes. Chief ath- letic rival: Cornell, who'd be a to admit it. Chief graduat: der Hamilton, father of the present banking system, and look at the pres- ent banki stem! Chief exports: junior partners in the city’s law firms. New York University over the place, from the Bronx to the Battery. Known as Gimbel’s Base ment of Colleges. Everything three for five, five per cent reduction for cash, Main part of college stands on a hill in upper New York. School of Law d Commerce is situated on Washington Square, and students sit around on park benches playing uke leles, smoking meerschaums, having tie rushes and acting collegiate no end, while the unemployed and bums sit next to them and wonder. Hard to tell ‘em apart. Commerce students learn business haggling with push cart dealers around the corner on Houston Street. Chief athletic ri Nobody. Cos nobody cares to ac the burden. Natt i Ford ham, the Ford! game being a successor to Trish Rose, Football teams recruited from around Scranton and West Virginia mines. Wages, unknown but rumored good. Football teams usually referred to as the “Great Violet Machine” at the start of the son, and as the “Crushed Viol the end. Only famous : Deems Taylor, the maker. Fordham Universi institution, full of J dents, reached by Third Avenue El or glider. tuated somewhere in the dark parts of the Bronx. Known as the Little (Very Little) Notre Dame. No football team to sp of till the Carnegie Foundation sanctified learn- ing above mercenary pig-skinni Now every member of the Fordham team must win his Phi Beta Kappa before he can don the moleskins, and now you tell one. Chief graduate: Frankie Frisch, Attended largely by the Piewfwizces and the Jdfchizwise kis, and once a fellow named O'Brien went there but nobody seems to re- member him, The Colle York: Si A Catholic wish law stu- © of the City of New uated between Columbia and -» and, tho it is higher, it is snot IERDS + comicbooks.com