Judge — August 1, 1931 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Statues You could have bashed a bottle of Pol R to 1 and christe with names, I was that stunned, when IT limned that several thousand dollars had been appro priated for a bath, a manicure, and perma- nently waving the tin hair of Miss Liberty of Bedloe’s Isle. everal thousands of dollars to wash her, indeed! Better to spend the dough to barge her back to France, full of bathtub gin with a dash of crushed padlocks. What I’m really » say is that [I don't like her a statue. She should be re- placed in the modern mood Despite the fact that Mme, Chanel just passed her, coming and going, her gown is still reminiscent of flannel nightie days. Tsk! If they're going to spend all that money, the least they ald i itfit her in’ some nappy beach paj And_ there are other statues, landmarks, and pub- lic what-nots in New York that are pests and dopey nuisances. 1 those Public Library Lions! — Let's give ‘em to Mr. and Mrs, Martin Johnson. And the statue of Diana afront the Hotel Plaza. has been undecided for years about where to empty that ice-box pan holds. t's put her in the “Follies” for a ar and then marry her off to a agascar merchant. And while we're in the Central Park neighbor- hood, let's attend to General She! man, his horse and lady. They're ¢ stupid group. I've watched them for tryi even as she JUDGE a, JUNIOR Tuk PRESERVES ee) AN ORCHD yee is ' OG / WOOD ALCOHOL UMAGINE JwNIOR PENG Y dveg- hours—all set for a canter down the avenue, looking for all the world as though they are waiting for the trathe lights to ¢ The Central Park » should be taken for a long walk and lost. Tt contains the frowziest collection of Zoo-pa-doops inna woild! I wouldn't waste one peanut in the Elephant House !! And Patter Park, that bit of side- walk fronting the Palace Theatre, should be carted away in one chunk with its clutter of vaudevillians still loitering on it and tombed in Cain's And last, but perhaps diently important, we should extend a foot and trip the builders of Radio City before those etherian sky searecrows become grotesquely domi- nant. We ta get busy about city beauty ! storchouse. most ex Rude Rudy nex T heard that grating sound with a plop at the end of it a month ago (it was the collective thud of falling feminine hearts when Rudy Vallee, the I nose, got a matrimonial hook- up), I decided forthwith to write an open letter, dripping with thy, to the hollow feminine lad with the mus: himself in sympa- breasts WNIST 4 KNOB AND AIGH throughout this sniffing land. I'm ol’ chappie Sympathy himself! Hence my open letter: Dear Girls: Just a note of sympathy to you in your sad hour. [know what a jilted feeling does to one. [ve been in love, off 'n’ on, with Peggy Joyce for years, and if my jilts were laid end to end, tsk, tsk girls to be upset about Rudy's mar- riage. Peggy's been married less times and I'm still in there f ing. 1 know, in my that P will get eventually. Maybe around to you, too. cares about me, matter whom she's married to. Why, only the other night, as Peggy was entering a night club as Lo was) le bumped her slightly orchid from her ce sharp jack-knife dive hefore it struck the floor. urn it and shi wotta mean So T see no reason for you heart, around to. me Rudy will get I know Peggy spongy ving, som 1 knocked I made to ep it!” etually gave an orchid that some other man bought. See wotta mean? Now— Rudy's going to keep right on singing to you. That's in his contract. 1 better break than I do, girls. You needs must only twist a knob and you've got your Rudy. [have to hang around flower shops and follow out orders of orchids, hoping and jibber- ing that I'll find Peggy. See wotta mean? And when you tune in on Rudy, don’t feel that you're laying yourselves ope by Mrs. V safe to go length. I can't bear to think of you me !— JUNIOR HAS TO HANG AROUND FLOWER SHOPS AND FOLLOW ORCHID ORDERS comicbooks.com