Judge — June 13, 1931 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

- : JUDGE Song of Suburbia Gore of the Time-table, who dispose F Our com and fros, Your day-time schedules suit us, quite Rut what of the table of trains at night? gs and goings, our tos Do none of you live in suburban spots? Do none of you build on “Restricted Plots”? It’s open to doubt when we contem- plate The service that follows the 7:08, When we spr (Drama 0 to town for an evening's or musical comedee) Why are we foreed to choose between The 11:10 and the 4:15? Why must we leave ere the play is done? Why must we reach for our wraps and run; Or, weary in body and soul and brain, Crawl back home on the lacteal train?” ~ Why must we always be jumping up? Why, like city folks, can't we sup Somewhere or other, after the show And ma or so be have time for a dance Tie if 1 step off the roof of a sky- seraper, [shall receive bodily in- jury in the near future, Why no train, in the name of heaven, That if [meet a certain fair-haired, Like 13 ora T:tl? blue-eyed young lady, [ am going to Gods of the Schedule, hear our ery! lose some money. Why And Echo comes back with That if I smash the big mirror in “Why?” Berton Brarey our hall, it will cost me twenty bucks. “But what's this extra item of ten dollars on my operation bill?” “That's for my glasses—I lost them somewhere while I was operating.” 20 “L told ‘em not to dispossess that Medium!!” Superstitions of Which I Am Guilty That if T tweak the nose of my boss. [ shall soon be taking long walks in the open air. That if [ buy a yacht within two weeks my rich uncle shall die within one we That if a black cat crosses my path Twill be broke before the end of the week. That if a black cat does not cross my path [Twill be broke before the end of the week. How To Be A Movie Critic A! gait tantr production is “pleas While a farce from Vienna is “slim’’; A celluloid hoyden is “teasing” And a world-war revival is “x A picture you slept through is “futile Brand a mother-love opus as “trite A gangland production is “brutal”, But a drawing-room drama — is bright”. A second-rate movie is “flimsy”. All the mountaineer hokum — is stark”, t's over your head label “whimsy Every custard-pie riot’s a “lark”. Your mind need not be analytic For the racket is re This lingo will make And the Union will send you your card! W —Articr L. Lireaany comicbooks.com