Judge — February 21, 1931 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

were left. The two dead ones, you nim-wit-rods. And the lady who was con- tent to take home the Chinese baby from the department : was Chinese herself and ity mama. One From Mac D' an JUNIOR: I have just had a chance to try out the new lighter golf ball here in the South. ‘There wages a great deal of spirited controversy shout its merits against the older and heavier b: last and previous y now is my chance to settle all disputes quiffilly. The new ball will float in highballs. The new ball, tied in bunches of twelve, makes excellent water wings. They can be slipped into a Ping Pong game for dead kills—and un- noticed, too, Paint the new balls red, sreen, blue, ct but dandy Christn or fake Easter E, And the new ball can be used by restaurants as round croutons instead of square ones for soups. Does this end all arguments? Chiddio, Jefferson Machamer P, S.—I'm not going to sell apples on the corner any more. I'm going to just stand there and sing, “Love For Sale.” yellow, id what have you is tree ornaments Wrecking Dep't. U at 72 and Broadway, there stands pabebly the most useleas bit of ornamentation in the world. is a statue of the melodious Verdi, with smaller statues of characters taken from his operas clustered around his feet. Out of proportion in the first place with his pedestal, the ef- fect of these statuettes makes him look like a dwarf. Tho I may be making « gesture that is strictly ignoblesse oblige to Mussolini, I'm sure if Verdi ever got a look at it he'd do triple somersaults in his grave. Yet every year, the stars of the Metropoli tan Opera House, led by a small sec- tion of ballyhooers, an office boy from Otto n’s and the president of the claque out there with pails, curry- combs, mops, toothbrushes and hair-oil ind reverently wash it down and groom it up. ‘By the way, what good ure statues any xcept as places for dogs to kick at, children to chalk up and nursemaids to scratch their backs on? THE NeW BALL IS SWeLL AS ROUND CRSTENS INSTEAD ood SQURE CNES/ Speaking of abracadabra that seems to be serving no purpose around New York except to clutter the skyline and get in one’s hair, how about brir out block and tackle, nitro-soup pushers-over and some night quictly effacing the followi The Doorman at branches of the United State The Union -eague Endurance window sitters. .. Carnera, . . . The Muldoon-Tunney Trophy at Madison Square Garden (used now by gan blers to strike their matches on) . Paramount Bldg. clock (always wrong). ... The clec tric sign at the M ir Theatre. Broadway and 48. "he Metropoli- tan Opera House. . . . Huber’s Flea Museum (but then where would all the newspaper feature writers be?). - Horace Greeley’s statue at Her- ald Square (for making California a menace). ... The Bronx. . .. Hunter gone-bloc College for Women... . The Empire Race Track... . Joc Humphries, the exhaust pipe of Madison Square Gar- den fights (what fights?). . Statue of Liberty (obsolete). .. The A Bit Airy Up There, Eh? T scems a shame to ruin an illu- sion, but a rehi- tect told me the other night that the new mooring mast with which they're topping off Al ith’s Empire ate Bldg. (on the site of the old Wal- dorf) is merely a show piece. It willbe as impractical as the three balls over a pawn shop. My friend claimed in support of his state- ment that it would require super- human skill to settle a dirigible down on a building top—much akin to the problem of ringing one of those canes at Coney Island with a wooden dough- nut—it might be done once in a blue moon, but think of the misses. Besides, to turn the trick in a high wind, espe= at such an altitude, would be like ng to thread a ne ne. Finally, who cs all about stepping out of a large sausage onto a needle point miles from hard pave- ment? Anyway you look at it, then, looks pretty bad to me. I thought I’d just mention it, however, before you rushed out and began shopping for the odd personal balloon. Best Steppers “Just You Alone’—Osborne—Co- lumbia. in” and “To Whom It y Concern” —Lown—Victor, dy Play Your Mandolin” and “On a Little Balcony in Spain”—Sel- vin—Columbia. “Where Have You Been” and “Love for Sale”—Waring’s Pennsies—Vie- tor. “Overnight” —Ballew—Columbia. “Little Spanish Dancer’—Selvin— Columb “At Last I'm Happy"—Red and Victor. His Big Ten HUEY MAKE PEACHY YES AREE ORNAMENTS OF TAKE EASIER EGGS WHE! TINTED! comicbooks.com