Judge — January 24, 1931 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

5 oF it d d- fish bowl overrunning with buttons. Sign above reads: “Our porter swept these up last night — they came off hilarious patrons’ clothes as they wit- nessed ‘Charley's Aunt.” And they roast bee Recently the P. screamed in electr! aramount Theatre : lights the fact to ons going by that the uncmployed mil “Only Saps Work.” Texas Guinan says that alimony is something caused when two people make a mistake and one pays for it. One night a Bishop awoke at a friend’s house, stumbled to what he thought the casement windows, opened them wide, took a deep breath and went back to bed. In the morn- ing he found that he had really opened 1 large bookcase! Which is less disastrous than the story of the famous large-gentleman- about-town who wakened in the mid- dle of the night at a swank houseparty and possessed of a terrific thirst. He groped in the dark for what he thought the bedside thermos bottle, knocked it over, got up, tramped thru the wet to the bathroom for a drink, tramped back thru the wet and crawled back into bed, still pr: ally asleep. In the morning he discovered that he had upset a bottle of ink and had trailed it all over a million dol- lars’ worth of Chinese rugs. Busy and Vice Versa [>st#19 of spending your good old fashioned coin on the magazines that seem to be running wild with imitation Dotty Parker, publishing poem after poem which leads up JUDGE seriously to a back snapping last line, why not write your ow 1? Herewith the sure-fire formu Take the Oxford Book of Verse six lines of any poem of love by any common poct and add one of the following: “And life is a kick in the pants’; “But! oh what a good girl am I!" “And you, my love. ean seram!"” and uts to you, old thing!” Something Under Your High Hat L ere is the second set of Nut- crackers instituted in this Turret of week, Remember, the editor is giving away dollars for acceptable questions and answers, similar to the following, and published here: 1. What are qualins? ame one of the Twosh last Romance at is the Horn of Plenty? +. Where is the House of Usher? 5. Who won fate as the leader of the Orangemen? Answers on page Every Cloud Has a Silver Lining A rrienp of mine who is a barris- tah (hear! hear!) tells me th in every s > town in the U there are professional “hittees, ec oa business of large, handsome cars. tice brings in a princely income, and it is rarely that one is badly hurt. When he is he looks upon it philo- can then com 1 long convalescence. nd besides, he fford chap in Troy, N. Y., who is not only a professional hittee, but owns a car himself. Recently fortune favored him to the extent of mixing him up in an honest-to-goodness collision with a big Packard which sped away with- out even giving the injured one a The hittee stared hard at his which had been shoved off the ri and turned over on its side. Profes- sional instinct told him that this was. the chance of a lifetime, but the hitter was gone, and couldn't be brought back! And then a light broke over him, and he set off on foot to get his uncle, who had a car and who was well insured. The rest was ecasy— uncle drove by the overturned car, having first dented one fender of his own car to add a touch of realism to things, and uncle was sued and the insurance company settled up (and they did, too!) and uncle and nevvy split. There was a long convalescence that time, and well-earned, too. Best Steppers Button Up Your Heart & Blue n — Ipana Troubadours — Co- lumbia. Sweetheart of My Student Days & Little Things of Life — Wallace Colum You're Simply Delish & Your Lips Met With Mine—Lown—Victor. —Juoce, Jnr. comicbooks.com