Judge — December 13, 1930 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ause of the nation-wide eco- nomic depression and widespread thrift assumptions, I offer two Christ- mas Shopping Lists at this wary sea- One List shall be for that per- son who made money and is dumb enough to spend it, and the other list for those who hastening past apple vendors. The list for the thrifty, but well- meaning giftie-givers, shall be se- lected from the two-ton confines of a Sears-Roebuck catalog. I am seri- I wasn’t at first, but when I'd thumbed only as far as pag I snapped my fingers and said, “Come, com: This ain't funny, fe The whole ec: scaffold of this great country I Street’s can be re- built by careful and slightly wild or- ders from this catalog!” “How did I happen to get mixed son. are ous. JUDGE UGE, SUN up in a Sears-Roebuck catalog?” Well, I was trying to find Dolo- 's telephone number and I ked up the wrong book. Goodness, I didn’t know but what they were printing tele- phone operators’ pictures now— hadn't seen a ’phone book since June—but I soon discovered that it wasn’t the ‘phone book I can't be fooled long, y'kni 1 so, on pa 5, CM13 P- IN, entitled, ngerie of Rare Loveliness,’’ Girl M, 3 Postpaid, is cer’nly worth stick ing out a dozen wrong num- bers for. And then I got the idea for tio Christmas Shop- ping Lists. List No. 1:—For Bears Frro Abercrombie & Fiteh son Avenue and 45th, can ad : The Cig-A-Lite: Selects, lights and takes the first puff of your cigarette: Ideal for people who want to give up smoking by degrees. (It might be fixed to smoke the thing completely.) . . - Dise Match Safe: Contains 550 tches: A great thing if you want to give a party for 550 people who have brought their own lighters. . . . Musi- cal Alarm Clocks: Awakens you with a tune: Don’t get one with a lullaby or you'll go back to slee ravel- ing Backgammon Set: small: ute Send it to a friend with a pair of loaded dice who wants to become a train and boat card sharper. . . . Golfer's Ashtray: For the talkative member of the hole-in-one club who fails to get his ashes into the tray. ... Backgammon Cocktail Set: Glasses, shaker, ete.: Called so because, after a few it “sends you home.” . . . Old Barnyard (electric) Lantern: For u ee traveling salesmen, it enables them to distinguish the cows from the farmer's dotter. ... Perpetual Calen- dar: Tip it and it's another day... . Kangru Springshus: (sce Illustra- tion.) Great for inveterate cocktail mixers: . . . Circular Pl. Cards: For railroad men who work in round houses. Extra-Size Dice: For “gentlemen” who have a tendency to . » Narg- hile Turkish Pipe (with extra hose lengths): For a man allowed to smoke in only one room in the house: he can wander around with the stem, leaving the smel in one room... . English I : Pours an even hooker: the Scotch: won't say “when.” . . . $550 Maccas- sar Bar and Game Pressa but- ton and the bottle you want rotates to you: For those unable to walk around the table to get what they want and also for Presidents who are who like to press buttons. . . . Behind a Fence": Spare, cunning- wrought corks: Handy gags for gos- sips, talkative guests and bottles in which the cork has fallen inside... . Shako Port S A Drinking Set con- cealed in a Napoleonic military hat: For your friend who goes abroad with smuggling on his mind. ... Milk Can and Dipper Cocktail Set: This would never fool a milkman, but it might fool your maiden sunt... . Old Ger- man Steins With German Mottoes Inscribed: They're so reminiscent of Heidelberg you could almost drink near-beer from them... . Bottoms Up Glasses: Round on the bottom, open at the top and you can't put one down without its spilling: For endurance drinkers. ... Very Huge Brandy Glasses: e your brandy and snuff it: For epicures who don’t drink out of bottles and left their straws at home. switch or stack the bones. For comicbooks.com