Judge — November 29, 1930 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A Letter from Fred Allen ean Juno, Jn: If you have actions—last week—the reason I y “if you have read” is because I once knew a columnist who had very long arms and was n sighted. He never could see what he was writing, with the result that he became famous and later invented a minia- ture hyphen, which is used by tabloids throughout the coun- try even to this day—which is Sunday, if you are up. If you will look in your column you will find that “Three's a Crowd” is a big success, and also that Fred Allen is more “gag-pilfery” than ever. Up to now I don’t know whether that is a com- pliment or grounds for legal action, due to the fact that I can't find the definition of pilfery. I have read the lat- est volume of “What a Young Man Should Know” and find no men- tion of the word therein. Perhaps it is something I shouldn't know. The nearest I have been able to come to the meaning of the word en- tails recounting an episode. I rooming with a fellow who from hallucinations. Some years ago he invented a sanitary drinking cup which today is used in every corner of the zed world. His one ot in life has been to abolish the unsani- tary tin cup. How well he has suc- read Hi- am suffers JUDGE ceeded is history — see Wells’ “Outlines of Drinking Vessels"—and you will find that the last tin cup was torn from its in on October sold to a man named Phillips, who runs a crooked frog-racing track outside of the city. He runs the races with load- ed frogs and carries the buckshot—with which he loads the favorite before the race—in this tin drinking cup. So much for Phillips and his ilk, Lod, 48, North Yam, Ga. BREAKING-\ PEP Soke Rane! With every drinking cup destroyed, my roommate has nothing left to worry about but the abolition of the Big Dipper— which we know is the group of seven bright stars in the constellation Ursa Major. He has prayed incessant- ly in hopes that the constellation will reassemble in 20 the form of a sanitary drinking cup. Every mornit arise and look at the sky in hopes that this change has taken place—after this we take a short walk and return his morning, pedestrianism, I ca ist who was giving a Sacred Ox a talking-to outside of a speak He might know the meaning of pilfery,” I said to myself (natu rally there was no answer), and I put the question to him fairly. The athe ist thought a minute and said, he word sounds fami dif Tam not mistaken a pilfery is tower on a Lutheran church, the bell is hung. I remember a Lutheran monk who was quite fond of cricket and was always afraid that his weakness would be discov- ered by his superiors. After a game of cricket he would hide his bats in the pilfery. In later years, when a man was ashamed of his game of cricket and would hide his scople used to r y monk and s bats in his pil With this he turned to the Sacred Ox, who a Calvinist I learned and the incident while engaged in oss an athe severe easy. where later, closed. If you meant, sir, that I should tell my gags in a Bell's Pent House—or Pil- fery—well and good. You could be the victim of a Chime-era, and if this is your hobby I shall be happy to in the Tower of St. Cathedral, where I h the following was shall regale yo! jokes: The Height (Continued on page 29) FRED AEN SAYS JUNER IS VAONCARRED, NER-SIGKIED 5 COLUMNIST AND CANT SEE WHAT HE comicbooks.com