Judge — February 1, 1930 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The National Illogical Society Four solemn, elderly gentlemen, wearing the conventional frock coats of big business, sat round a mahogany table in the directors’ room of t tional Illogical Society. In the center of the table reposed the lower jawbone of Pithecanthropus Erectus, which had been unearthed in J The di- rectors puffed on their fifty-cent ci- gars, blew rich billows of smoke in the air and said nothing. At last the president broke the tense silen entlemen of the board of diree- tors of the National logical Society: Fireman’s Wire: dreams again! JUDGE I believe that the discovery of this jawbone proves that Asia and America were once joined together.” “Sort of ese-twins, you mean,” voiced the vice-president. The president said: “Not exactly, because then they would have been booked by Keith's. I mean that, in ages past, when the earth was shrink- ing, there was no Atlantic Ocear “I wash woolen things in Lux so they won't shrink,” said the secretary proudly. “If there was no Atlantic Ocean in those days, what was there The president scowled at the scere- tary. "Dried fish,” he said sareasti- My Gawd—he’s having one of his romantic 14 “What's the charge, officer?” “Petting in the park.” “There is no statute that.” “Then make it speed limit.” against exceeding the cally. “When the earth cooled down, it buckled like a rotten apple, forming hills and valle Rotten apples y shrivel.” "answered the presi- your own way, Man- The earth shriveled, and what is now the Adirondack Mountains was the bulge of the apple and the Atlan- tic Ocean was the buckle.” The vice-president ere the West Indies?’ eeds,” answered the pre “I wouldn't go to the 1 the summertime if I thought it bulge of an apple id the secretary. “Well, I certainly wouldn't go near the Bahamas in the winter if I thought they were seeds. They get in my teeth,” said the treasurer. The president continued: “Now, then; I believe this gentleman, whose jaw we have on the table, walked be- tween Asia and America on dry land. Otherwise how do you account for his being in an asphalt bed in Java?” “Perhaps, having made his own asphalt bed, he thought he ought to lie in it,” added the secretary, “Are we sure, in the first place, that that piece of bone is a man’s lower jaw?” asked the vice-president. The treasurer said: “I didn’t want to say anything, fellows; but in my humble opinion that fragment is part of an old soap dish.” The president said indignantly: “Soap dishes don’t have teeth.” “I guess you're right, after all,” ad- mitted the treasurer. “And now that we've got Asia and America linked up, let's all go over to the Museum of Nat- ural History and have some dinosaur eggs 4 la Benedict.” —Jack Civetr ville. “What dent. ins in comicbooks.com