Judge — January 4, 1930 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ee x ei It’s National Letdown Week, Dorothy Parker! A Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, huh! Well, all Juvae, Jn., has to say is “Nerts.” I'm glad AAATE spreads. How perfectly darling were their Southern (Brooklyn) accents. And how bold of their big derbied es- corts to scribble dirty words on the back of the Childs manager's white coat. And how darlingly the little it’s all over. It was just a big mockery. That’s what it was. If it had lasted another minute, I'd have crept in an empty gshell and set sail over gara, And Santa ba, ba. He was just a big fat guy who got nt, slid down chimneys and made indecent. proposals to Grandma. Ever since, she’s been leaving her glasses all over the house. Drained, too. Believe me, if the fel- low shows up again during the next twelve months, I've got six good stiff ties braided in a hangman's noose wait- ing. O what a head! So it was merry Christmas, was it? Merry H—I! Just a Gigantic Business Excuse. Just a chance to. throw around a lot of red tissue paper and exchange bridge lamps. Just an excuse to set a Christmas tree re, burn down the house and collect no insurance because you for- yot to renew the policy. Come to think of it, no fair cut- ting down all those beautiful Christmas trees. It’s not fair to the tree. It’s not fair to the American Forest Pre- serves. It’s not fair to the Boy Scouts. It robs them of a lot of swell places to get in Some snappy hatchet work A sen- atchet? s that a night-club hatchet girl I seen you with the other n SD LIKE T'Kuow WRAT BIG BULLY J SENT His / To MEI? 3 ur ha pee W o \ You don't like it. well, neither do I, year? I got a heart like the Morris Plan (Bee and a head like the 42 Graf. 1 also got a lot t of bow tie and hankie sets and some Christ- () mas cards like checks. awn on the Bank of Ith and Friend- ship. Who got an ele- phant gun for Christ- mas? I'd like to clean up a few things with it. Or I'll trade three inches of my five-foot shelf, Jeff Machamer and my scooter for a good sock in the nose. What a head! What a head! What's that? A happy New Year? Merey per happy New Year! With all those sweet little colleg prep-school rompers overrunning the town. skins drove me to the before the raccoon cage. York just to make old Jen nine years, that he whit was fit to move easily in the very lowest strata of society. Especially the “sisters home from Miss Bennetts’.”” How 1 loved their cunning ways. How cute of them to swipe tea sets from the Plaza for souvenirs and midnight Their coon- zoo to spe nd three hours wee The Juston, realize his twenty- nd unmarried, and that he men and women bottoms-upped their two drinks of watered Gordon water and then acted terribly, terribly fried. their talk of hang-overs the next day! Year’s Eve? Don't mention it if you don’t want your ears buttoned to your nose. Me, I like the Fourth of July better. You vays throw at old ladies and somebody always gets hurt. And ol aia rry Christmas? Happy New Year? Nerts! Hihattractions The pink but not too pink bathtub at Kohler & Kobler, iff Avenoo.... The hawss-raci game of more nacheral and Myo — citing than the electric sets.... The new gray-velveted day coaches on the N. Y, Central, making it more comfortable for the Vassar girl dropping into Pov psie between New York week-ends. . . . Climax W er, which makes swell felt hat cleanser... . Tomato-juice cocktail formula: strain can Delford tomatoes, add salt and ice and shake. Worcester- shire sauce, too, if you need it that badly That glass impressionistic chess set at Abercrombie & Fitch's. . . . Crouch & Fitzgerald's ci ervidor: press the plunger and get a cigarette whted. (Needed: a gadget that'll smoke it for you, too.) ... The Gluyas Will book, especially Bob Benchley’s introduction... . TI Last of the Vil- oO laze Hobohemi- LSEN FEA, LEAFS ALL ans and Best MAKE A STAB AT CONGENIALITY Cellar Guide: C THIS YEAR! D. Russell, who once studied to be a Man of Or- what an elbow he has now....The small trap-drum sets at Landay’s: for those who have mastered the saxophone and wish to be even more popu- lar, —Jupor Jr. ders; and comicbooks.com