Judge, 1929-12-28 · page 5 of 37
Judge — December 28, 1929 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# "Snappy Comeback" & "Helping Hands" - Judge Magazine **"Snappy Comeback"** depicts a traffic enforcement interaction where a cop confronts a motorist about illegal parking. The officer claims ignorance of traffic rules; the motorist responds with a Scottish anecdote about someone so constipated he squeaked with each step, then sold his radio. The joke targets bureaucratic incompetence—the officer represents authorities who enforce rules without understanding them. **"Helping Hands"** discusses New Year's resolutions and lifestyle changes. The dialogue advocates moderate celebration and physical activity (cold showers, ten-mile walks) rather than excessive drinking. The comic critiques how people compressed a year's indulgences into single hysteria-filled nights, arguing for measured self-improvement spread throughout the year. Both pieces reflect early-20th-century social commentary on urban life and personal conduct.
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Snappy Comeback Cop—Hey, vou can’t park here! Motorist—Oflicer, you may know traffic rules, but you don't know this Somebody told a Scotchman that he was so tight he actually squeaked every time he took a step, so he went heme and sold his radio. At this time our hearts go out for the young college people who have had their Christmas holidays and now have nothing to do except look for- ward to Easter vacation. After Christinas the thing we'd like to ch: e the most is the weather. The last person to learn that there has been a drop in the temperature is the janitor, Then, too, there's the dumb janitor who thinks the third degree is just about the right temperature. “Hey! Cut it out—you're making t JUDGE Mns. Noan—I do wish you wouldn't eat so fast. Nosn—Well, you know, I gotta make a boat. he desert hideous!” Helping Hands On New Year's Day “Well, you have to pay the piper, you know. I only hope it was worth it. Gosh, have you fooked in the wirr “Personally, J like to start the new year out bright and fresh. I can't see men of our age ratting around town all night and feeling like old ome- lette the rest of the week.” “Of course I can cither take it or leave it alone, but Arthur Brisbane ‘Oh, all right, all right, I’m going!’ “Get up, take a cold shower, and we'll step out for a ten-mile walk. That's what you need—make a new man of you! You want to get out of this stuffy room first of al “I don’t see why so many people try to cram the gaiety of a whole year into one hysterical night. I think it’s something you ought to string out, a little at a time.” ee, but a lot of people are sore at you! Of course, you can tell ‘em you don’t remember any of it, but it’ going to take more than honeyed words to pay for shattered glass and busted Chippendale ! —Srantey Jones