Photoplay Magazine Cover — page 76: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Solving the Million Doll Mystera A Slane Review O doubt you have heard of N the $11,000 lemon, and the $25,000 quince, if so, then allow me to present to you the Million dollar hash, entitled, “Fool- ish Wives.” They say that they used 326,000 feet of film and then cut it to 10,000 feet, but I fail to see why they had to stop there. The story is about a silly looking himbo, posing as a bum Russian count, but who is really a second story man. For some unknown rea- con the women all fall for his stuff and are a bit balmy over him. He and two dames of the ancient order of yeggmen, who are supposed to be his royal cousins, decide to get in right with the American envov to Monaco, and his wife, Helen. It scems that the business of taking people im was commencing to get pretty hard and the counterfeit jack was getting pretty low. They needed the prestige of a couple of important babies like these to bring in more fallguys. So they sick Count Sergius onto the wife while the poor dummy of a husband is busy exchanging bows with the Prince of Monaco, Sergius shows her all the bright lights and high life about The Count’s brand of chin goods was immenac. and hia line of attack made Don Juan look like a bush leaguer the town and plays up to her to beat the cards. she didn’t like it. The Count’s brand of chin goods was immense and his line of attack made Don Juan look like a bush leaguer. One day he took her for a ride out in the country and after putting on the feed bag they took a long hike. A big rain storm came up and they had to play the “Paul and Virginia” stuff till she took a header and sprained her dog. Then, Sergius pulled the strong arm act and carried her through swamps and creeks to an old shack in the woods where they had to stay all night on account of the storm. Helen puts it over next morning by telling her husband that she got in just after he had hit the feathers. The next scene is in the Count’s boudoir at the villa. Attired in a set of white silk PJs he was parked in a haypile that was all black—pillows, sheets n’everything, It looked like a ‘set for a funeral parlor. He leans out of the hay, yanks a long cord, and in steps the maid, Maruschka, One look was enough. She may have been a flower once but she certainly had gone to seed. She 76 And maybe She was batty over the count and a real human dog when it came to taking abuse Words and Art By DICK DORGAN had a pallbearing fracas with a gap in it that when she started to cry, I thought it was the fadeout for the intermission. She was clean batty over the Count and a real human dog when it came to taking abuse, It seems that the Count had vamped her and had promised to scamper wp the aisle with her someday. It didn’t seem according to Hoyle that a real hot cruller like the Count who was batting around .490 with all the Sweet Patooties of the elite would fall for a one cylinder hick like Maruschka. Well! he kisses her with all the ardor of a wild clam, and soothes her with a lot of oil about the sweet bye and bye, and sends her about her work. The scene in the casino at Monte Carlo looked like the “Get together” night of the boiler makers’ union. Here the Count bets Helen's jack for her and wins a roll of notes that resembles the pre- amble to Wilson’s “League of Nations.” It’s such a shock to her that she decides to go home, but the others, including her meal ticket, leave for the Count’s villa for a friendly little game of poker. On the way out Sergius slips the lady a note to meet him outside the villa at midnight as it means life or death to him, The poker game was really immense. : They took the envoy for everything he had but the shirt on his back and only passed that up because it was pleated. Oh! they were the clubby little folks and as harmless as a lot of baby rattlesnakes. : The envoy then decides he’s had enough and spots, “Princess” Olga taking the rest of the bunch with a trick roulette wheel as he passes out through the room. (Concluded on page 100 Dice -| = f Secon i _ ; ‘ * A nl J For some unknown reason, the women all fall for his etuff EGomicbooks (e(0)