10-Story Detective Magazine, April 1946 — page 57: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

—_——§ “WELCOME HOMICIDE, LOUIE!”———— as at parties she did not think dukes an’ other royal jerks got stiff on wine soon enough. Huh, this is almost uncanny, huh? Look, Chitney, bring Lucretia.” Chitney calls the babe. She comes in without making. any more sound than a _ goose feather lighting on an _ inner- spring mattress. She is as thin as beanery maple syrup and has a long bony face with a pair of eyes that Louie says re- minds him of mummies he has seen in the catacombs. She wears a long black dress and about enough hair to stuff a Bull Durham bag with. I feel little mice wear- ing spurs running up and down my spine. Hambone gets his voice working on the third try. It is as squeaky as an auto spring needing grease. “Er—where was you when Quirk was rubbed out, sister?” The old doll’s nose twitches like a rab- bit’s. “I was out to a nightclub, clam- head, doin’ the conga. Where you think? I was up on the top floor in my room, that’s where I was. I was feedin’ my pet armadillo. Did you ever see one that was friendly with a white rat? Now, if you don’t mind, I’ll go up and feed Cesario.” “Bring the guy down here. I ast for everybody in this joint to show!” Ham- bone snaps. , ‘Ravens don’t like mos’ people,” Lu- cretia says. : . “A raven?” Louie gulps. “Is this a movie we come into by mistake, Alvin? See if Peter Lorry is anywhere in sight?” “Tf you don’t mind,” the medical exam- iner says, snapping his black reticule shut, “I remembered I had a pie in the oven—I mean I promised the old lady I'd watch it to see—well, he was killed by a atah wound—been dead about eleven hours. Good day!” BAMBON E wipes his face with a big hanky and tries to stop shaking. The old babe sits down and folds her bony hands. We hear something squawk up- stairs. Lucretia says, “He is gettin’ im- patient and will be very angry at me.” “T-look,” Hambone says to a cop, “git me a hamburger, huh? P-put some ketchup on it. I always steady my nerves when I eat somethin’. That dame has made me feel hollow inside anyways. You ai¢ down, too, Chitney!” “f happen to be, Mister. I am not standing im a hole, you know.” “Yeah, ha ha,’ Noonan chokes out. “Now, let’s stop foolin’ around. Murder 39 has been done here, Chitney, nobody ast you yet where you were when the master was killed, did he?” “I was also in my room,” the menial replies. “I have a hobby, you know. Some- time perhaps you would like to see my collection of poisonous spiders.” “I would not!” Noonan howls. “Ugh! No wonder somebody got killed here, One of you two is guilty as—” “Look, Hambone,” Louie says. “The citizen waiting for the morgue bassinet was stabbed an’ not poisoned, remem- - ber?” “Oh, yeah? I’ll take an autopsy of him an’ see if he wa’n’t given a shot of arsenic before he got the shiv. Crooks mislead you that way!” “Why kill a character twice, Noonan?” I ask, “‘An assassin generally can’t take that much time. Come on, Louie, we might find some clues.” We are searching for something to go on when the cop comes in and gives Ham- bone a hamburger. Noonan sits down and takes a big bite out of the wimpy and stares at Chitney. Louie says it looks like an inside job and asks the butler if all employees have been accounted for. “Yes, I believe—oh, there is a young lady who has been working part time for Mr. Quirk. Comes in at odd times, three or four days a week. She—” “Yeah?” Noonan says, “An’ maybe this © was an odd time for her to come in. That shiv blade was long an’ thin. Even a frail could’ve jabbed it into the deceased’s brisket as deep as it was. Call her up, Jitney.” “Very well, sir, but the name is Chit- ney.” Lucretia Blodger just sits and stares at the corpse. I hear noises upstairs. Something comes bump-bump-bump down the stairs. When it gets nearer, it sounds like a baby tank and Noonan grabs me. Then an armadillo crawls into the room and blinks its little eyes at us. Louie asks do I remember the movie called Dracula where vampires got out of their graves in a cellar at night while the armor-plated animals cavorted about the basement. I says for him to shut up and hold my teeth in. “Ain’t he cute?” the old babe nasals. “He won’t stay away from me too long, Come here, Rasputin.” “T think I'll hurry along, Alvin,” Lows GoOmichboo S (CO