Judge — September 1938 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THIS DEPARTMENT WENT TO school in the heyday of rugged individ- ualism and private initiative. You knew an exam was coming so you tried to steal the questions out of the teacher's desk; failing that, you crammed the night before, and then, during the exam, you sat next to the class grind and tried to copy his answers. But what with the grind jealously hiding his pa- per, and old Hawkeye watching from the back of the room, you generally flunked. When you did flunk, you took it like a man and played hookey to celebrate. Those days are gone forever. A mod- ern-minded youth named Robert Mur- phy, in Providence, R.I., has created an organization known as the Students Protective Insurance Co., Inc. Mr. Mur- phy’s concern issues flunk insurance. If you face an exam, you pay premiums of from 35 to 50 cents a month; and then if you fail, you get a wad of dough as consolation. Nor is this all: when you go on to college nowadays, you can hire ghost-writing bureaus to do your term papers and theses for you. You can even buy a ghost- written thesis for the degree of Master of Arts. What this means is that our educational in- stitutions are falling a prey to the commercial interests. College de- grees are being made ridiculous. Professors are being hoodwinked, Creatures like Robert Murphy, of Providence, R.L, are gnawing at the very foundations of the ship of state. Shirley Temple has false teeth. ANDY GONZALES, OF SAN JA- cinto, Cal., went out for a walk. On the verdant banks of the San Diego River, he saw seven men working with a block and tackle, trying to hoist a cow out of a quicksand. Andy Gonzales sauntered over and severely bit the cow in the tail. The cow emerged from the quicksand at high speed and Andy Gonzales contin- ued his walk. "Esos gringos miserables,” he mur- mured, his voice rich with Latin scorn. A PHYSICAL CULTURIST, OR builder of men, has been brashly solicit- ing clients on Chicago suburban trains. Recently, however, he suffered a setback. He happened to sit in the last car, and as the train slowly pulled out of a station, he saw a young man running ‘along the track in pursuit. The young man leaped for the rear platform, caught the rail, and pulled himself aboard. He came into the car gasping for breath. The builder of men helped him, pant- ing, to a seat. “Ah there, friend,” he gushed, “you're not in very good con- dition. You almost missed the train.” "Almost missed it?” the young man cried. “I did miss it—two stations back!" w THE BUS COMPANY IN RAN- goon, India, has found that the custom- ers cannot read. Therefore the buses have been stencilled with the pictures of various wild animals. You take a tiger bus for Bhramakushna St., and so on. This is an idea the Greyhound buses might well adopt. The bus for New York would dis- play a picture of Mayor LaGuar- dia. Hollywood buses might be recognized at a glance, by the protuberant ears of Clark Gable. The Washington bus, of course, would bear the likeness of Franklin Delano Roosevelt, his gleaming fangs adrip with gore, and his talons clutching the pitiful carcass of a Republican. we WE HAVE JUST LEARNED a new way to fox the power trust. Of course this is a poor place to publish the information: as every schoolboy knows, the regular readers of THE JUDGE are the most meritorious people in the U.S., and it is simply in- conceivable that any one of them should fail to pay his bills. However it is true that, owing 7 comicbooks.com