Judge — September 1938 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

to circumstances beyond our control, these pages sometimes fall into the hands of shifty characters. It is for the benefit of this undesirable element that we now propose to set forth the facts. Here is the key: public utilities cannot cut off their service when you have ill- ness in your home, whether you owe them money or not. A friend of ours, unable to pay his gas and light bill, ex- plained to the company that his wife was threaten- ing to bear him a child; A Week-end Hostess Replies By ELLA BRODY Just got your lovely thank-you note. I'm glad you came, and I'm glad you wrote. And, darling, again | say, “Forget The scar you burned with your cigarette.” The desk was shaky, and very old... Why, Washington had it made, I'm told. We loved the téick you did with the vaso— No one got cut on the broten glass. And the doctor said that Junior will Recover soon from being ill. An absence from school won't make him fail— How could you know the candy was stale? John has explained that kiss, of courso— There'll just be a quiet Reno divorce. And since we're parting, I'm really glad You made our cook so very mad She left. You certainly made things hum— the company, deeply moved, gave him a tem- porary reprieve. Junior arrived, squall- ing, and the utilities com- pany has called several times since. “We're going to have another baby,” our man always says, smugly snapping his desk-lamp on and off. we We had occasion to call on a business man the other day, and the first thing we saw was a placard under the glass on bis desk: “Like Hell It's Yours. Put It Back.” w IN 1907 A VANISHING AMER- ican named Wolf Chief put the snatch on the Sacred Bundle of the Gros Ven- tres, or Big Bellies, and sold it for thirty smackerinos. Ever since the Gros Ven- tres have lacked rain. Recently Foolish Bear and Drags Wolf recovered the Sacred Bundle (a collection of old skulls), and the rain- fall in the Big Belly sector of North Dakota returned to normal. This is very instructive; it shows that we palefaces are dopes. Let the present Administration take the left toe of George Washington, the sphenoid bone of Thomas Jefferson, and the, whole beautiful body of Hoover, the Great En- gineer; let these substances be ground to powder at midnight in the offices of the WPA; and let the powder be scat- tered far and wide over this nation. Then perhaps we can all make money. THESE TWO CLASSIFIED ADS from the New York Times make a not unfamiliar point, but they make it briefly and clearly: THE JUDGE ' FOR Darling, I'm so glad you could comel 1. “porters, colored, union, $26 weekly; machinist, mechanic, mainte- nance, $25.” 2. “COLLEGE MAN, acctg. major, Ch ...$20; COLLEGE MAN, to 22, tall, Nordic..._.$15.”" ww OUR ANT EDITOR, HAVING RUN short of news in his field, has just made a survey of the social life of homo Sapiens. These are his findings: In Salinas, Cal., 40 cowboys formed the Cowboy Club; they intend to buy a herd of steers and practice rounding them up. In Illinois, Iowa, and South Da- kota, 39 elderly ladies formed the Na- SEPTEMBER tional Grandmothers’ Club, and asked President Roosevelt to pro- claim a National Grandmothers’ Day. In England, jilted men and women have formed Sick and Sorry Clubs in several cities; sometimes they meet in graveyards. Yugoslavia has a new club for divorced men, but Astoria, N.Y., has formed a Good Husbands’ Club, which will choose an annual Good Husband. There is a Mothers-In-Law Club in Texas and a National Widow and Widowers’ Club in New York. New York also possesses the Per- manent Wave Club of America and the Better Mousetrap Founda- tion. London has a Society for the Pro- tection of Attractive Men. London also has a Society of Na- ture's Misfits, and you will kindly address this department there in future. w The common earthworm, \umbricus terrestris, is said to possess an ungovern- able temper. w IN ANCIENT SUMERIA, NEAR Beth-el-Gizer, a hedgehog once learned to talk. They came from far and near to question this natural phenomenon, and its words have been preserved. “We will give you great riches and make you a noble,” the eager Sumerians said. “Are you all out of your minds,” said the hedgehog. “Do you think I want comicbooks.com