Judge — July 1938 — page 44: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WHAT DO YOU THINK IS FUNNY? ROUND the White House Press Room, the correspondents are tell- ing this story as the funniest they've heard in a long time. It was written by Carl Goerch, editor of the Raleigh (N.C.) State Magazine, was printed in the Rockingham County Journal, and reprinted in the Mullins (S.C.) Enter- prise. It concerns a certain Mr. Brown who weighs well over 200 pounds, and likes his comfort. One night after a soul-satisfying re- past of backbone and dumplings, Mr. Brown and Mrs. Brown went to the movies. They found seats about half- way down and got settled. Presently, Mr. Brown began to feel that his belt was too tight. In the dark of the theater he didn’t hesitate to loosen it. Even at that, though, there was still too much pressure around the middle. After a moment's discomfort Mr. Brown pulled the zipper-jigger down a few inches. After that he felt fine and settled back to enjoy the picture. Everything was great for ten or fif- teen minutes; then a lady three or four seats away got up to leave. The people sitting between her and Mr. Brown obligingly arose to let her through. Our hero started to get up, and suddenly realized the state of his trousers. Hur- tiedly he reached down to pull up the jigger. By then the lady was abreast of him. Her dress caught in the zipper and the gadget stuck. Mr. Brown could not move it up or down to save his life —and his life needed saving right then. The lady, feeling the tug at her dress, glared at Mr. Brown. She felt another tug and exclaimed, “What are you try- ing to do?” That attracted Mrs. Brown's attention. She turned to her husband and whis- pered hoarsely: “John, what are you do- ing to the lady. “Not a thing,” whispered back John. “He is, too,” said the lady. “He's tugging at my dress.”” Mrs. Brown half-rose from her seat: “Turn her loose this instant!" she com. manded. “Whatever in the world has come over you?” “I can’t turn her loose!” Mr. Brown protested. “Her dress is caught in my pants.” Mrs. Brown gasped, and so did the other lady. People sitting behind them were beginning to get impatient and there were cries of “Sit down!” and “Down in front!” Mr. Brown perspired freely. He tugged at that zipper for all he was worth, but the more he tugged, the more firmly the lady's dress became wedged. “What are you-all trying to do?” asked a gentleman sitting directly be- hind Mr. Brown. “Her dress is caught in my pants!” hissed Brown. “Good Lord!” said the man, and after that he didn’t say another word. By that time everybody in the neigh. borhood was taking a keen and almost unholy interest in the proceedings. “We'll have to go out in the lobby,” said Mr. Brown, finally. “Together?” she asked. “You're darned right—together,” he told her. “Think I'm going to take off my pants and let you walk off with them?” They started toward the lobby. It was the side of her dress that had been caught in the zipper and so, while she was able to walk along all right, taking rather short steps, Mr. Brown had to go sideways, something like a crab on the beach. By the time they got to the lobby, both of them were so mad that they couldn't see straight. One of the ushers —after the situation had been explained to him—took them into a little side- room where Mr. Brown took out his knife and proceeded to do some effective work with it. At last the lady was free. She shook down her dress, shook herself all over, gave Mr. Brown a final dirty look and sailed majestically out of the theater. If anybody wants a pair of pants with zipper attachments, we can tell him where he can get them at a very reason- able price. He'll have to be a rather fat man, though. The Judge’s Awards for American Humor the author of the most humorous book of the year; ewspaper columnist or edi- ial writer creating the best piece of humor; the artist who draws the best single newspaper cartoon; the writer of the best piece of humor in an American magazine; Readers of THE JUDGE are asked to make nominations for these awards, before November 15, 1938, the director of the most humorous motion picture: To TO TO TO TO the screen actor portraying the most humorous role; the screen actress playing the most humorous role; the dramatist writing the most humorous play; the legitimate actor giving the best comedy performance; To TO the legitimate actress portraying the best humorous role; the radio performer giving the most humorous broadcast; the sponsor of the most humor- ous radio program; TO the agency promoting the most humorous advertising campaign. TO Nominees must be American humorists and nominations should be accompanied by evidence in the form of clippings where possible, or brief descrip- tions of the humorous performances, with designations as to where produced, so that further information may be obtained in the event of close decisions. Presentation of the awards will be made in the grand ballroom of the National Press Club in Washington, D. C., the night of December 15, 1938. Address: HUMOR AWARDS The Judge 18 East 48th Street, New York City comicbooks.com