Judge — April 1938 — page 31: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

EEN NT | ao | | DR. LUMLEY’S INVESTIGATION By Percy Waxman iE present-day college man’s atti- tude toward certain anti-social com. plaints betrays a queer mingling of adherence to outworn traditions and a wide-eyed wonderment at modern trends; both being products (though this is unknown to the victims) of a transition period. This is the reluctant conclusion drawn by Dr. Ezra Lumley, the eminent toxi- cemia specialist, following a survey of seventeen Eastern universities. The individual cases, however, are even more shocking in their revelations of the trend. Without further preamble, therefore, let us examine some of the case histories as reported to Dr. Lumley: Case 26: A young man of 22 nerv- ously entered the clinic at X University with the aid of a light malacca cane. His blood pressure was extremely high, pulse abnormally low and he com. plained of pains in the lumbar region. Dr. Lumley applied the Hansel-Bethune test, gave a cursory glance at the pancre- atic reaction and immediately ordered an X-ray examination. When the Case was questioned he admitted readily he had been suffering in secret for several weeks with an advanced attack of dan. druff. He said he had tried to keep the news from everyone, even his room mate. He felt so ashamed, he added, that he had given up all social activities, as he believed the disease was highly communicable. . . . This case made a grave impression on Dr. Lumley. In his report he stated em- phatically that it was time society faced the ugly facts relative to all forms of toxicemia and that however disturbing they might be they should no longer be concealed. Dr. Lumley revealed that there are thousands of young men today in our colleges in various stages of dan- druff afraid to let their dearest relatives know. Society has banned certain topics from open discussion and as a result of this mistaken modesty misery stalks our highways and byways. This must not, and shall not go on, says Dr. Lumley. (Incidentally it is gratifying to note that Case 26 was restored to normal in four weeks and is now manager of the Glee Club.) Case 47: A handsome lad of 19 ar- tived at the clinic one spring afternoon and after being admitted to Dr. Lum. ley's private office burst into tears. Dr. April, 1938 Lumley instantly administered a seda- tive, restored the boy's composure and then tactfully questioned him about ski- ing, the Big Apple and foreign travel. Little by little he drew out the lad’s story: He had been vaguely indisposed for the past three months but did not know exactly what was wrong. At first he noticed a dull pain at the base of the os coccyx which he attributed to a colli- sion with a friend while engaged in a game of basketball. To remove this con- dition he purchased two bottles of Heis. muller’s Painkiller. As he leaned for- ward to apply the remedy to the injured parts several drops of this powerful remedy fell upon his scalp and in less than a week violent dandruff had set in. He was most unhappy about his condi- tion and as his father was a devout Pres- byterian he was afraid to write home and state the facts. He told Dr. Lumley that he had refused to take a beautiful girl friend of his to a prom as he did not think it right for a man with his disease however innocently contracted to mix with the opposite sex. vot ue é rae \ < toe (Note: This case was healed in three days and last week Dr. Lumley had a letter announcing the arrival of a 9- pound boy with a full head of reddish hair.) It may interest many non-professional readers to study the detailed chemical analysis of the sample which enabled Dr. Lumley to prescribe for his patient with such unerring accuracy. ANALYSIS Phagocytes .. 7% White Corpuscles .. 6% Haemoglobin . 13% Mercury . anon trace Caraway Sced —..... a1 Carbon ...... nL) Salt -a pinch Piece of subway ticket (torn) Dr. Lumley wishes it to be distinctly understood that the above analysis is not to be taken as typical. He does say however that every prescription for dan. druff, no matter of what type, should include the ingredient known as engic, which by a chain of fortuitous circum. stances happens to be a proprietary spe- cific owned and registered by Dr. Lum. ley himself. \ } iat a ' ? roa “Say, Pop, CAN'T YOU STOP PLAYING AROUND HERE WHILE I'M DOING MY HOMEWORK?” 29 comicbooks.com