Judge — March 1938 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE MINOR-MYSTERY EXPERT 449[M sorry, Mr.—uh, what was the name?” “Rimfuzz.” “Sorry, Mr. Rimfuzz, but the Starr Investigation & Shadowing Service doesn't have an opening for another detective just now.” “Oh, I'm not exactly a detective, Mr. Starr. That is, I don’t fool around with murders and robberies, but I do know all the answers to minor mysteries such as why shoe- laces break only when you're in a hurry, and stuff like that. For instance, I'll bet you don’t know why people, in describing spiral staircases, accordians, corkscrews, hip boots and goatees, find it necessary to use their hands,” “Why, no, I don’t.” “Well, numerous tests I've conducted show that few persons can describe those items without the use of ap. propriate pantomime. With their hands tied behind their backs nine out of ten persons say, ‘Well, a spiral staircase is a round set of stairs—I mean, they go around and— look, I can’t describe them exactly, all tied up this way.’ That's what they generally say, Me. Starr.” “We can use you, Mr. Rimfuzz. When can you start?” LEO NWA “HL @292MMINIeeeeeeal! . . +. . LHAVE SPOKEN!!!" “THE CHILDREN RAN ME RAGGED, I'LL. NEVER TAKE THEM TO THE ZOO AGAIN!” “Right now, Mr. Starr.” “AIL right. I want you to find out, as soon as you can, how a dentist feels while he's having his teeth fixed.” ‘That's a cinch, Mr. Starr. He feels just the way we do—pretty awful. The dentist who is doing the work doesn't help matters any, cither, when he says to the first dentist, ‘This is going to hurt, Alvin, and you know it.’ That's why the dentist who has had his teeth fixed takes it out on you and me, afterwards . . » Heck—give me a hard one.” “Do you happen to know what a prospective buyer finds out about a sec- ond-hand car by walking around it and kicking the tires?” “Why—uh, gee, I guess you've got me there, Mr. Starr.” “Hah! Why does a barber always shave up to your lower lip last of all?” “Uh—golly, I thought I knew all the answers. Anyway, I can find out.” “All right—get going. Why, man, I've got enough work here to keep you busy for years!" —Gurney WILLIAMS. GREAT MINDS “Some of my best . . . friends are Jews." —Hugo Lafayette Black. “TL have many friends who are Jews, great friends.” —Cecil Beaton. “Some of my best friends are Jews.” —King Carol of Roumania. The Judge comicbooks.com