Judge — January 1938 — page 36: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Drown by P. L, Cuossr Warren G. Harding and Calvin Coolidge whip James M. Cox and Franklin D. Roosevelt in the Presidential race... Prohibition becomes effective . . . League of Nations meets for first time +++ Olympic Games open at Antwerp... Samuel Gompers reelected president of the A.F.L. . .. Woman Suffrage Amendment passed . . America’s Unknown Soldier decorated . . . It Came Our Aut Ricut in tHe “N" MY HOTEL BREAKFAST By Stephen Leacock | eed morning when I sit down in a hotel dining-room to order break- fast, 1 spend twenty minutes in deep thought over the bill of fare. At the end of it I order bacon and eggs. Very often—in fact usually—I call the waiter into consultation as to what kind of a suitable, agreeable, more or less novel breakfast a man might profitably take. When he has done his talk, I order bacon and eggs. Sometimes I get the headwaiter in on it, and ask him questions about fish, I ask him how is his sole this morning, and he says it is most excellent. I ask him can he recommend his sea-bass, and he says he can. As a final and definite inquiry I ask him what about his bluefish, and when he says that his bluefish is delicious, I say to him, in that case will he kindly bring me some bacon and eggs. I have heard it said that liver and bacon makes a good break- fast: I knew a man once who said he had tried it. And I met one day a man ona train who said that a lamb chop is an excellent thing for breakfast: but when I asked him if he had tried it, he said that he had often meant to but that personally he always took bacon and eggs. In fact, I believe that they all do. At every hotel I see men sit- ting at the breakfast table with a bill of fare in front of them, think- ing deeply, with a waiter standing 34 behind them babbling about bluefish: and in the end I always hear the waiter say, “Bacon and eggs. Yes, sir.” Indeed my own opinion is that in all the big hotels they don’t really have any- thing else to eat in the place except bacon and eggs. They just write down all that stuff about bluefish to look well and to let the guests think. In reality there is only bacon and eggs. Yes they do say that Scotch oatcake and honey is a nice thing for the break- fast table. Some day I certainly must try it. Or, no, to blazes with it. Let the Scotch eat it! MUSINGS ON THE BATH MAT She was sweet and simple. He mar- ried her because she was sweet. He divorced her because she was simple. * It is a whole lot easier to be a Bernard Shaw to the British or American public than it is to be a Bernard Shaw to your own family. * Interruptions are the spice of life. * Work is a form of nervousness. * Landlords give us our chandeliers, but thank God we can choose our parlor lamps. * Nobody ought to sing for less than $1,000 a week. , Moving picture horses are ten years ahead of their profession. * A woman takes to life so well she never finds out anything about it. ‘~ I wonder what God thinks of a man (created in His Own image) putting on his pants in a lower berth. * We will, hereafter, believe less history than ever, now that we have seen how it is made. * It takes a lot of time to be senti- mental. * Be good, even at the cost of your self-respect. * Conversation is the slowest form of human communication. —Don Herotp. The Judge ‘ comicbooks.com