Judge — January 1938 — page 31: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

I 89 5 Supreme Court declares income tax law unconstitutional . . . Electrical power generation begins at Niagara Falls... Chicago suffers an influx of fleas... Roentgen discovers the X-ray... Revolutions in Cuba, Ecuador and Peru... Gambling forbidden at Saratoga «++ Japan destroys Chinese fleet... Doctors and clergymen attack bicycle and bloomers. OUR PINHOOK CORRESPONDENT Pinhook, Oct. 25, 1895 FRANK B. EVERETT of this vicinity has had a great deal of peculiar trou- ble with his cow lately. She was a very valuable cow for her milk-giving qual- ities, and he was anxious to take the best care of her. Last winter, one very cold day, the end of her tail froze into a pail of water near which she was stand. ing, and when she tried to move away she broke about a third of her tail off. In fly season, this year, the flies were very bad, and when she whipped at them with her stub of a tail its length was such that she continually drummed Mr. Everett over the head with it when he was milk. ing. At first he pro- tected himself by wearing a football helmet and a base- ball mask while milking, but these articles were too hot and uncom. fortable for the heated term, and he tried to remedy the difficulty by fastening a horse- JorNson missed his train for the city the other night, and when he entered the little village barber-shop he looked no uglier than he felt. “Cut it without,” he growled as he took his place in the single chair. “With. out conversation, you know. Don’t want any whisker-dye. Don’t want any hair- restorers, scalp-invigorators, dandruff- eradicators, face-lotions, potions, or any other blame stuff you barbers recom. mend. I know perfectly well that I am growing bald, and I want to be; I was born that way and so was my father. All our family were; runs in the blood. My views on free silver are absolutely fixed, and I have no views on religion or"— Here one of the loungers in the shop nudged Johnson's elbow. “You'll have to write it down on his slate, mister,” he said, “ef ye want to tell him anything. He hain't heerd a word ye said. He's deef and dumb.” T HE young . woman who cow- hided a man sev- enty years old has crossed the line beyond which the tail on the cow's Ou, YES, IT IS HER PET DOG; new woman is stub. This worked well for a while, but the cords that the switch was tied on with kept getting loose, and every now and then she would fling the switch over into the field. Mr. Everett, with the spirit of invention strong upon him, had a veterinary surgeon pierce two holes through the cow’s tail and set in silver eyelets, through which the bind- ing-cords could be run. After that the cords held, and the borrowed hair-switch drove away the annoying flies, and every- thing had just reached a perfect condi- tion when the cow the other day suddenly up and died. Mr. Everett is quite incon- solable, and thinks it hard that fate should so relentlessly pursue him. January, 1958 BUT THIS IS THE FIRST TIME HE HAS SEEN HER IN BLOOMERS. forbidden to go. There is too much liberty of the woman with a whip. The most innocent man is likely to have his character ruined when she turns upon him. She is a notoriety-seek- ing nuisance and she ought to have the ducking.-stool. Atipy young lady, short of stature, married a man six feet five inches high. She explained to her friends that he would be so handy to have in the house; he could light the chandelier in the parlor, and hang pictures without getting on the chairs and soiling them with his boots. 29 comicbooks.com