Judge — December 1937 — page 29: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

HIGH WAT ERE IT is almost Christ- mas again, and if you kiddies will draw up your chairs and be real quiet, Un- cle Junior will tell you a little Christmas story—a Christmas fairy story, in fact. Well, once upon a time a man started home from his office on Christmas Eve, with his arms chock full of bundles and the elevator boys weren't all waiting for him in the lobby to say Merry Christmas and ask him if they couldn't get him a cab, or help him with his packages or something. And he didn’t stop and take off his gloves and fish out his wallet and hand the nearest boy five dollars and say here boys is a little something for you. And Elmer's chemistry set didn’t slip out of his arms and go skid. ding across the floor. And when he tried to hail a cab they weren't all taken, and when one finally did stop for him he didn’t knock his hat off getting in and say blankety blank the blank blank so and so who started this Christmas stuff anyway. And he didn’t drop all the packages on the floor of the cab and wipe his forehead with a hand. kerchief and tell the driver to take him to the Stork Club and don’t spare the horses. And two hours later he didn't come out with a big bottle sticking out of his overcoat pocket, and knock off his hat getting back in his cab and step on Mil- dred’s doll house. And when he got home the meter didn’t read seven dollars and twenty cents and his wife didn’t give him any dirty looks and say I should think on this one night of the year you could at least get home sober and do you think the servants want to stay till all hours on Christmas Eve and what will the neighbors think and where in heaven's name did you hide the trim. mings for the tree when you put them away last year? And after supper Mildred and Elmer said they were pretty tired and guessed they'd go right to bed. And when he went to look for the Christmas tree trimmings he found them right away and none of them were broken and the tree wasn’t too big to stand up in the living room and when it stood up it didn’t look like all the moths in the Adirondacks had been chewing on it. And when he tried to fasten the star “way up on the top the chair didn’t slip and the tree didn’t fall over on the dog and he didn’t fall into the tree, and the decorations weren't smashed to smithereens. And his wife didn’t say there I knew it would happen. Oh, I just knew it would happen and Mildred and Elmer didn’t come running downstairs to see what all the noise was about and | start crying like all get out— But now, kiddies, it's way past your bedtime, so hustle off upstairs and may- be Uncle Junior will tell you another fairy story next month High Hat Doffs And once again, in acknowledgment of their comments and accomplishments, Junior lifts his topper to: Sumner Pike, who has Wall St. all figured out—the higher they are the faster they fall . . . Don Herold, who believes that where radio announcers are concerned, he laughs best who doesn’t laugh at all . . . Harry Cappelletti, for considering, at least, renaming his hotel Inn Arrears . . . Fourteen year old Bill Cox who pulled a trigger three times and got himself 2250 pounds of Idaho bear and elk steaks . . . Pare Lorentz, who will tell you that in Washington the streets aren't the only things that go around in circles . . . Norman Kent's brunette friend at the International Ca. sino who thinks cranium is a sort of shiny metal . . . Damon Runyon, for his piece on the progress made by the slick-paper mags . . . Whoever made up the slogan for that coal and wood com- pany—anything your hearth desires . .”. Mardi Hoff, who is quite sure that all men over fifty suffer from either harden. ing of the arteries or softening of the brain . . . Hamburger Mary, for making the best—you guessed it—hamburgers in Manhattan .. . Sid Lenz, who never got married because too many men have worked themselves to death trying to mect the instalments on their wives’ labor saving devices . . . Rocky Kent, of the American Airlines, for the one point landing of his disabled ship at Newark airport . . . The absent-minded Princeton student who crammed for the wrong exam .. . Mayor LaGuardia, for the best administration New York has ever had . . . Queen Mary, whose turn it now is to chuckle at the other women’s hats. And a final flourish of the glistening bonnet to you, Dear Reader, with the wish that you have the Merriest Christ- mas ever. —Jupce, Jr: HERE the waters of the Gulf of Mexico lap the golden sands of an unbroken beach, reaching far- ther than the eye can see, lies Venice, on the West coast of Florida. Here, in a charming little city, not built for a day, or a week, or a season, but for the ages, are houses of architectural beauty, solidity and building honesty. Here live people who appreciate the good things of life, and of the kind with whom it is your desire and ambi- tion to associate. There are golf courses whose tricki- ness and perfection bring you back day after day. There are beaches to which you hurry eagerly and leave reluc- tantly. There are beach clubs of great charm and hospitality. The finest food in all the South is available at many places. The hotels can care for any demand, from a single room to a charmingly furnished suite, for a day or for the season. There are modern little houses at the water’s edge, and larger homes, which can be placed at your disposal most reasonably, and there are the best of public and pri- | vate schools. No one has ever experienced the de- light of Venice who has not known the hunger to return. All of these things I will be happy to make available to you. H. N. Wimmers, BROKER Venice, Florida. + comicbooks.com