Judge — November 1937 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE SENATOR-AT-LARGE The All Nude Eel Football Team Goes Into Action 66T-)EL” ROOSEVELT, °40, Coach, ‘Manager and rterback of the team, as well as President and Registrar of Nude Eel College, was sitting on the bench watching the third quarter of The Big Game. The score was 46 to 2, with three years to go. “Justy” Black had just been chased to the bench with a warning because he took too long to make up his mind whether to wear a black helmet or a white one. It was quite a loss to the team, because he had been pretty swell to use in a pine, running the ends and taking the Referee’s whistle away from him when he wasn’t looking. “Jeems” Farley, Trainer and Rubber, sat next to the C., M., Q., P., R., with one foot in the water bucket and holding all the players’ numbers in his lap, and wouldn't give them out until he saw how well they were playing. The little mascots, with their backs to the field, sat adoringly around on the ground before Coach Del and Jeems, sucking sponges. The bench on which they sat was a little bit of a bench with only room for the two of them. All the substitutes were up in the stands cheering the Coach and Trainer wildly, and once in a while hissing the team. CoACH DEL, in a rousing pep talk, had criticized the former Coach “Hub” Hoover for using eleven men in the lineup for most of the important games, and had said that that was too blamed many men, and it would cost too much for shoe cleats and sweaters, to say nothing of the soap and towels they used in the showers, and that when he took over he'd play a tougher sched. ule with a five man team. This didn’t seem feasible, however, when he saw the size of the other team, so he explained that the reason he had 20614 men on the field in uniform was because of the circumstances. To win a victory required a preponderance of flesh, and while he might have a hundred or more than was absolutely necessary, it was better to run up a big score than to lose or tie, which of course might happen with an eleven man team. The crowd sitting in the stands were a little inclined to be critical of the manoeuvre on “Justy” Black, but the C., M., Q., P., R., only smiled and turned around and thumbed his nose at “Ben. ny” Mussolini and “Herry” Hitler, who had stolen the programs and were run- ning off the field. He shook his other fist at “Jappy" Japan, who had started a fight of his own completely outside the ball park. This took the crowd's mind off “‘Justy” as well as off the game, and the mascots all congratulated the C., M., Q, P. R, on his most excellent strategy. 'HE Coach looked out on the field and signalled a play which he knew would thoroughly confound the opposi- tion. The team went into a huddle, which huddle covered all of the field back of the 35 yard line, and when they came out each player was carrying a football. He then signalled for a kick, and while the play was down on the 35 yard line they all moved up to the 50 rd line, and, spreading over two city locks, kicked. Now no opposition team of eleven men can catch 206¥, footballs, so 108 of the Nude Eel team recovered the balls and ran for 108 touchdowns. It is true that most of them ran in different direc- tions, but after they had made the touch. downs, if there wasn’t a goal post back of them one was erected by the WPA, and the score stood. This tremendous victory was sufficient reason to discharge from the rosters of the college, without returning their tui- tion, eve: ly who wasn’t a freshman, and that 1s the reason, my friends, that Nude Eel, since that game, won't play colleges which have the freshman rule in effect. I hope you won't write for a book of tules, since the constant changes neces. sary for the welfare of the team and the Cc. M., Q., P., R., make it obligatory to create rules while the game is in prog- ress, and surely even you are smart enough to know that if everybody knew the rules, there is just no telling what might happen. —Harry NEwMaANn. Judge Established 1881 Jack SHUTTLEWoRTH, Editor GLENN W. WHITEMAN, Business Manager Jupae, Noverber, 1937. Volume, 113, Publication office, 404 North Wesle; 48th St., New York, N.Y. Enter Morris, Til, under act of March 3, 1879. Copyri United States and Canada, $1.50 a year; foreign, Particular attention is en to. the fact’ that every article and under the provisions of Section 3 of the Copyright Law of the U. Whole No. 2708. Published monthly by Judge Magazine, Inc. Ave., Mount Morris, Ill. i as Second-Class Matter, Editorial and executive offices, 16° East July 26, 1933, at the Post Office at Mount 37, by Judge’ Magazine. Inc. Subscription rate, (0; 1Sc a copy. Judge Magazine, Inc., Publisher, icture appearing in Jtoce ts protected FOR WORDS Reach for your telephone. The world is at your finger tips. Sixty- seven million times a day some one talks to some one over a Bell telephone. It’s a national habit... and the Bell System a national institution. BELL TELEPHONE SYSTEM comicbooks.com