Judge — November 1937 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

"I picked it up in a five-and-ten in Brooklyn.” IN RUSSIA IT’S DIFFERENT ELLO, Gwen! I've just come back from Moscow. Oh my dear, I have so much to tell you. No, I'm not in love. Why of course they have nude bath. ing. No, nothing. Not even a fig leaf. Yes, I went in swimming with them. Well, my dear, it is supposed to be rad- ical and I wasn't going to let anybody get ahead of me. Dates, oh yes, I had plenty. Wait till I tell you about Nicolai. No, he was no relation to the Tsar. No, I didn’t see the Tsar. He isn’t there any more. No, my dear, he's dead. Yes, quite dead. But to get back to Nicolai. He was very distinguished. I met him on a train. He wasn’t the usual type you meet on trains. He was different. The Americans were all singing Ob My Darling Clem. entine and he asked me to translate it for him. Was I embarrassed? Well, of course it was a free translation. Oh no, he thought it was cute. We were sing- ing it to each other. Oh yes, the govern- ment lets them sing. Well, that’s how we met each other. Oh no, I don't call 12 that a pick-up. Well, you see, in Rus- sia it's different. ~ Then he said something to me which I couldn't understand. But I was aw-* fully tired, much too tired to speak that language, so I just said “Yes, uh-huh” and passed it off as if it wasn’t impor- tant. Then he started looking into my eyes and he said, “Are you sure you under- stand what I mean?” So I said, “Of course I understand what you mean.” Because I didn’t think it really made a bit of difference. Well, he asked me again if I were sure. Then it sounded important so I said, “Not quite!” He repeated it but I still didn't understand so I let it go at that. I knew it was something about a date for next evening. Then all of a sudden he started calling me thow in- stead of you. No, that wasn’t silly. That’s the intimate form of conversation that you use when you really care about somebody. Yes, I was quite thrilled. Then I thought, “My dear girl, what -of course have you been assenting to?” And I wondered what Mother would think if I stepped off the boat with a Russian. I've always been adventurous so I de. cided to let come what might. I still didn’t know what I was going to do when he came to my hotel the next night, and I was awfully scared. After all, it's a foreign country. So I said with dignity, “Comrade Nicolai, where are we going?” When he an. swered, “To my apartment,” I almost died. But I thought if I could get into a Bolshevik'’s apartment I would be just that much ahead of everybody else who went to Russia and wrote a book about it. And from what you read in the pa- ts nobody: in Russia has a room to imself anyway. So I thought it would be all right. Yes, I went. YES. I know you wouldn't have done the same thing in my place, but Gwen, you must remember you just aren't adventurous and you aren't a radi- cal. Radicals think differently about those things. I decided the best way to act would be to take the roommates for gtanted so on the way over there I said, “How many roommates have you?” “Three,” he answered. That comforted me. “One is in Siberia,” he continued. “That is quite far away,” I said. “The other is in Baku,” he went on. “My, my!" I said. “And the third is travelling down the Volga.” Well, you can imag- ine how I felt. What did I say? What could you say? I just said, “Oh!” By that time it was too late to go home because we were there all ready and we went in. He gave me some vodka. No, I don’t like it. It tastes something like Hollywood gin, only worse. And then he gave me sand. wiches. You wouldn't have taken the vodka? No, I know you wouldn't have, but why not? No, he didn’t put any- thing in it. And anyway I was so excited I didn’t think of anything like that. Anyway I drank it. When we finished he said, “It’s near- ly midnight and the last trolley car stops at one. Do you mind if I take you home now so I can ride back myself?” Well, I thought, this is the first time I've ever been so insulted. Can you imagine? No, he didn’t try-to kiss me. Why yes, they're all like that. Well, you know I'm so very radical that I really didn't mind. Ooh—You shouldn't say those things over the phone. Some one may be listening. Come on over and I'll tell you all about it. —Vircinia GREY Regret q™M sure those bygone days were better I mean, before we ever met, Before I wrote each throbbing letter Your lawyers now just can’t forget. N.S. Judge comicbooks.com