Judge — October 1937 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CROSS NICE young mother told us this little whimsey. Her daughter, Virginia, has reached that difficult age when she really should be told some- thing about life—something a bit more advanced than the usual stories about the flowers, the birds and bees. So in the nicest way she knew, she talked to Virginia, who made no comments. It was a toss-up, which was the more em- barrassed, and neither one referred to the matter for a long time. Then one day, remembering what she had read about children getting distorted ideas from one another, she thought it best to question Virginia. Had anyone been trying to sully her pure young mind? “No, Mother,” Virginia responded quietly. “You're the only one who ever told me anything dirty.” RS. W. H. FLYTHE, of Albe. marle, N. C., always told her neighbors that her dog always brought her all of the kindling wood that she could use. So when the little pooch brought a stick into the kitchen recently Mrs. Flythe patted the dog affection- ately on the head and tossed the stick into the fire. Hereafter, Mrs. Flythe will buy whatever wood she needs, The stick was dynamite. SOME of you may remember the American girl, Nila Cram Cook, who achieved a certain fame some time ago by being a disciple of Mahatma Gandhi. Miss Cook seems to have come a long, long way since those days. Just recently she won a pie eating contest in Provincetown, Massachusetts. How that must have pleased the old master. ONE thing we cannot grasp: why do people talk about children being dults are very much cuter; they are, for a fact. Consider this incident: Anton Palas. thy, of Michalovce, Czechoslovakia, was cute? stricken dumb during the World War; he had not spoken for 20 years, when one day he was eating cake in his son's shop, and God gave him back his tongue. “This whipped cream is stale!" said Anton Palasthy. Consider also the state of affairs in Nebraska. There they erected a new capitol building recently, which the citizens and legislators received so en- thusiastically that it was necessary to post a large sign, outlawing the prac- tice of sliding on the marble floors. BECAUSE history has a habit of re- Peating itself so exactly, that one might almost say it stutters, we report this little 19th Century incident with the October 1937 naive hope that it will profit our own present day dispensers of relief. In London, a century and more ago, a destitute man appeared before the lo- cal relief officer. The operation of the new poor laws, he says, had deprived him of parish assistance and reduced him to such an extremity that if not instantly relieved he would be driven to a deed that his soul abhorred. The officer granted him five shillings, and after a suitable admonition against giving way to despair, asked him what dreadful deed he would have been driv- en to but for this seasonable relief. “To work,” said the man, with a deep sigh, as he left the office. AND there was the slater who, about the same time, was employed by a gentleman to repair his house in the country. The job was a slight one, and the gentleman, a few days later, expect- ing it to be finished, went out to in- pet it. To his surprise, he found the slater's apprentice working—alone. “Where's your master?” he inquired. “Master's awa to Glasgow to look for a job,” replied the boy. “If he gets ane, this ane wull be done the morn, and if he doesna get ane, I dinna ken when it wull be done.” EVEN more modern in tone, but a century older in time,—it goes back to the days when Gulliver's Travels was the new best seller—is this cry against the octopus of taxes. An English lady, in Dublin, observed to Swift, “The air in this country is wonderful.” “For God's sake, Madam,” cried Swift, falling to his knees, “don’t say so in England! They will certainly put a tax on it!” URRENTS WEEN the Owensboro team, a farm of the Cleveland Indians, wired to the Indians and said: “We need some players,” they received the mournful re- ply: “So do we." And the chief mourner on the team was young Bob Feller who had been unable to pitch since something snapped in his arm in an early season game. After trying specialist after specialist, and about to give up in despair, the owners of the ball club took Feller to A. L. Austin, a Cleveland bonesetter of wide reknown. He took one look at the arm, gave it a quick twist, and Feller has been pitch. ing regularly ever since. This is not the first time Bonesetter Austin has helped a noted personage straighten out their bones. He's been setting bones for almost fifty years and has many cases referred to him by the medical profession. Mr. Austin wanted to go to college and study medicine, especial- ly anatomy, when he was young, but found out they wouldn't accept him at college because he had never attended high school. So he just started setting bones, and has been doing so ever since. He claims his lack of education is an asset. He isn’t bothered with the entanglements of theory. ‘THE Pan American Exposition was in a dither the other day. One of two remaining Borneo kissing fish had just died, and the curators anticipated that the survivor would die too, since this usually happens when one of the kissing fish loses his playmate. But there’s genius in Texas. One of the help suggested placing a mirror in the bowl. When this was done the fish im. mediately began kissing his own re. flection, with perfect satisfaction. Poor fish! ITLER ‘has transformed Germany's financial structure into a mare's nest said by those who comprehend it to be one of the few really funny things left in this world. We are in a position to report one of the Fuehrer’s minor operations in this sphere, to wit, the ppelin Co. The firm has hitherto netted a 40 per cent loss, made up by government subsidy. Now, because of a lack of helium, all flights have been cancelled—which does away with oper- ating expense; at the same time, thou. sands of curious German sight-scers have been paying a mark each to inspect the old Graf Zeppelin, so the company is able for the frst time to report a net profit. The next step is to book Adolf Him. self for an ibition tour around the world. The gate receipts would put comicbooks.com