Judge — October 1937 — page 34: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

IF | DARE SAY SO ° By CHARLES B. DRISCOLL S® thousand fewer pupils in New York grade schools this year than last. There will be fewer next year, and the next. The scarcity of babies is just beginning to make itself felt... . If you were thinking of adding to the mater- nity ward in your hospital, better think again. We can use the money for old people's homes . . . . And maybe we won't have to worry about overcrowded cities much longer... . Thus do worries vanish, for the race as well as for the individual .... Yes, I think F. D. R. will go after a third term... .unless this Klux Kourt business should get him down....It was a mistake to put the emergency brake over on the left of the driver. How is anybody to teach a learn- er to drive without grave danger, now that the teacher can’t reach the emer- gency brake to stop the car in a real emergency? Put it back, Detroit! New York will re-elect LAGUARDIA because he's honest, and in spite of his blow, bluster and blatherskite personal- ity. An honest mayo: who isn’t a com- plete boob is a novelty the big town spprecetes .... ELEANOR ROOSE. LT, good-looking wife of THEO. DORE THE YOUNGER, had a really exciting time in China, The policeman who escorted her to her boat had his head blown off. But she'll be telling about it in lectures and a magazine ar. ticle soon, so I won't spoil the story... . And it seems that one must talk about this remarkable“family or just shut up ..-, ALICE LONGWORTH, in early fifties, spent most of last summer riding horseback and going through the moun- tains, afoot and ahorse, with her young daughter PAULINA .... There's been much talk about the mantle of TEDDY, but it's really worn quite modestly by ALICE. HHARLES MORROW WILSON has been writing some topping stuff about the Mormons, in Saturday Eve- ning Post and elsewhere. The Mormons have distinguished themselves in many ways as good, thrifty Americans. But I hand them the prize for the way they take care of their own poor and unfor- tunate....Not a Mormon on_ public relief rolls. Is that something? Well, it sounds to me like religion. And it's only a few years since we were shooting down Mormons and tossing them into jail, chasing them out of our towns and 32 country places, and exiling them to the desert .... But you can’t stop anybody that way. It’s been tried often enough, with bad results. You'd think dumb mankind would learn that it’s silly to persecute people on account of opin. tons, religious or otherwise.... And what went with HARDBOILED SMITH, who thought he was somebody once? B28 GRAVES and CORONOR GIP M. EVANS are names popping up in the HUGO BLACK case that are reminiscent of the forgotten hillbilly names of the HARDING regime.... But GASSAWAY DAVIS always hits me as the pat name for a politician Shoes and I used to know a fellow named HARLEY SAPP. SAILING BARUCH couldn't have picked a sillier name for himself, could he? The late KIN HUBBARD made the best use of hick names in his immortal ABE MARTIN paragraphs, FONTAINE FOX _ has some of the same talent that made HUB- BARD memorable . . .. And you wouldn't believe it, but the woods are still full of fellows who can write para- graphs almost like the ABE MARTIN stuff, and are trying to break into print with them. Publishers and the public don’t like servile imitations of dead men. That's one reason why you haven't seen a new ARTHUR BRISBANE or a new WILL ROGERS. Plenty of boys willing to take on the jobs, and some of them not bad, either. ... One of the novels that has interested me most is Candles in the Wind, by WILLIAM C. LENGEL. I couldn't understand the fuss that was made about a simple mountain. climbing job at Grand Canyon, with all the talk about the Island in the Sky, unless somebody was about to put over a movie of that title....and the way the papers have been falling for the ROBERT TAYLOR he-man publicity campaign has me a bit pale and sh: ....Old THOMAS MASARYK, who died at 87, was a real statesman, a GEORGE WASHINGTON and THOMAS JEFFERSON combined. I interviewed him a day or two after he and WOODROW WILSON invented the Republic of Czecho-Slovakia in Washington. But the interview was in a New York hotel. I was legging inter- views for United Press. My boss, ED CONKLE, (rest to his soul), said, “We have a tip we should cover a guy named MASARYK. I don't know who he is, but he sounds like Armenian relief. Go and talk to him.” I did. I found a schol. arly gentleman, perfect English, pol- ished manners. “How is the situation in Armenia?” I asked. “I don't know; hayen’t read anything about it for weeks.” I tried other leads; failed. Leav- ing, I met a good-looking young man. “Who is the old party with the whis- ker?” I asked. “My father,” he said, se- renely. The son broke down and con- fessed about the new republic, and I went back and got a good story.... What will happen to China? The guess jae. is yours and mine, but I think Japan will win, and while you are still living (if. you don’t catch cold) will occupy and rule all of China. Most powerful empire in history is now a-making.... But BALE CARNEGIE could tell those Japs that you can win friends and influ. ence people by bombing neutrals and kicking foreign ladies around. SIGNS in Paris railway stations are in French, English and Esperanto. But all foreigners visiting New York are supposed to read and understand Eng- lish. Seems to me it would be good busi- ness to use other languages, along with English, at big terminals... . especially since we are now going after European tourists in a big way, with MR. JAMES W. GERARD as national pull-in bal- lyhoo man....The practice of calling warships pirates when they do things you don’t like is venerable, but incor- rect....Spectacle of our time is the poor old British lion, hiding his head in a gunny sack while every interna- tional rapscallion twists his tail. Jay machine-gun the British ambassador in daylight. There’s no roar, but only a sickly whine from the jittery lion... . That, you know, is the Empire that used to sink any ship that didn’t dip its col- —_ <— ors to Britannia. Other times, other times, as Solomon might have said.... RALPH ADAMS CRAM is out in the open for monarchy in America. But if he doesn't like our form of government, why doesn’t he go back to New Hamp- shire, where he came from? .. .. The sil- liest national law is one that prohibits printing of a picture of an a erican stage stamp in news| rs and ma; Lee How about Pe MR. BOSS STAMP-COLLECTOR? Problem for Bureau of Standards: How to produce a BLACK dye that will transform a white cotton Nightshirt of Intolerance into a dyed-in.the-wool BLACK Robe of Justice. comicbooks.com